HIMYM Rewrite
by himym-rewriters
Summary: We as a group have decided that, as fans and writers, we are not completely satisfied with the final 2 seasons of How I Met Your Mother. Out of love and bitterness, we have decided to rewrite the final seasons. Some plot lines with remain, others will change completely. We hope everyone will enjoy what we have in store. :)
1. Episode 1

_Kids, the beginning of the fall of 2012 was an interesting time for all of us. Your Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily were enjoying every second with their newest addition, while your Uncle Barney was blissfully happy with Quinn. Meanwhile, your Aunt Robin had just started a new relationship with this guy Nick, you see, Robin and Nick dated for four months before any of us found out. It's not so impressive that she was able to keep it a secret for so long - we all knew how private Aunt Robin could be - but rather that she chose to keep it secret._

* * *

><p>Nick flipped through his menu, never forgetting to throw pleasant smiles towards Robin from across the table. His eyes widened and his lips pulled into a smile after turning onto the sandwich page of the menu.<p>

"I think I know what I'm getting."

"Yeah, me too." She said with a nod.

"No, Robin. Look." He faced his menu towards her and pointed excitedly to her last name, printed in bold letters midway down the page. "_The Scherbatsky_. You never told me you got a sandwich named after you."

"I didn't think to mention it. It was after a landed that helicopter. Actually, about that -" Robin began, before cutting herself off and shaking her head, "Never mind. It's no big deal."

"What is it?" Nick hated seeing her brush off things that mattered to her, it was as though she feared that it wouldn't matter to anyone else. He reached his hand across the table and placed it over hers, looking at Robin sincerely.

She looked away, smiling slightly to herself. It was nice to see how much he genuinely did care. "World Wide News is throwing me this stupid dinner party to celebrate my promotion and everything."

"Great. What color tie should I wear?"

"You really don't have to come. It's stupid."

"I'll be there." He said with a smile on his face, his hand tightening around hers.

Robin smiled back, "Thanks."

"Of course. I mean, they named a sandwich after you. Explains why you're so smokin'."

"Not since college." Robin laughed.

"What?" He asked, taken aback, "No, I mean, you're really hot."

"Oh. Yeah, I am."

"So, what time should I pick you up?" Nick asked, she grinned in response. Robin felt almost giddy with anticipation, something she hadn't felt in a long time. It was refreshing.

* * *

><p><em>Like I said, Barney and Quinn were happy, and enjoying every second of their engagement.<em>

* * *

><p>"Okay, so that puts us up to one-hundred and twenty three." Barney said as he held a yellow legal pad and pencil, both of which had labels that read <em>Property of Ted Mosby<em>.

"Only one-hundred and twenty-three?" Quinn asked, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"I know, after four months of being engaged you'd think we would have done it in more rooms than that."

They sighed in unison. "I think its because we keep doing it in the same place. We've got to do it somewhere new"

Barney gasped excitedly, "Does that mean—"

"No, Barney. Not that." Quinn shot him a look of disproval, and he pouted childishly.

"Fine." They sat in silence for a minute, as the two thought about this.

"Hmm, what about Marshall and Lily's kitchen?" Quinn asked.

"We did that the day we told them we were engaged, remember?"

"Right. Ted's kitchen?"

"Remember his Fourth of July party?"

"Talk about fireworks." She said with a smirk, to which Barney lifted his hand for a high five. Quinn slapped her fiancé's hand, and laughed. Their eyes met, and it wasn't long before Barney's hand was up her shirt, and his lips pressed against hers.

Barney sat up abruptly, breaking their kiss, "MacLaren's bathroom!"

"Really? We haven't done it there yet?"

"I know! You'd think that would be one of the first places."

The two hurried out the door, "One-hundred twenty-four, here we come." Quinn stated proudly.

"Literally." Barney added, to which they high fived again.

* * *

><p><em>Kids, a funny thing happens when your friends are blissfully happy. You begin to second guess everything about your life, and your own happiness. This happened to me shortly after Barney had gotten engaged to Quinn. Six weeks after the engagement, Aunt Lily could tell I'd been a bit mopey. I really did want to be a good friend and support him, I just didn't know how, I'll admit it, I was jealous.<em>

* * *

><p>"Let's cut the crap, Mosby. Just say it and we can go downstairs," Lily stood on top of the roof of their apartment complex, pressuring Ted to speak.<p>

"Say what?"

"Say how much you hate that Barney is getting married before you."

"What? No. I- I'm happy for them." he said defensively.

"I know. You thought you were okay with it, but you aren't."

"I am happy for them," he insisted.

"Is all you'll let yourself say out loud," she implicated, "because if you said anything to the contrary, well, that would make you the most awful person on this rooftop. So, I'm gonna give you an out."

"And how are you gonna do that?" he asked.

"By saying something that is even more awful," Lily said, trying to hold back tear.

"Like what?"

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't a mom," she admitted quickly, and tearfully. "Sometimes I want to pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night and not come back."

"Barney shouldn't be getting married before me," Ted confessed. There was silence for a moment, as the words they'd each said truly sunk in. "You serious?" he finally asked Lily.

"I don't know," she sighed, "I mean, I love being a mom, and I love Marvin so much. But do you remember when I wanted to be an artist? Art was my whole life. And-and now it's been months since I've even picked up a brush."

She shuddered, appalled by her own words, even worse was the thought of what her life would be like when she had to go back to work. "I-I spent the whole day taking care of kids at my job, and now at home it's more of the same. It just - It never lets up. It's just really, really hard, Ted."

"Have you talked to Marshall about how you feel?" he questioned.

"Have you talked to Barney about how you feel?" she replied, turning the question back on him.

"Fair enough."

"I just think we have to accept our lots in life, and I have to be a mom to a beautiful, wonderful— if slightly constipated— little boy, and you have to let Barney get married."

* * *

><p><em>Thankfully, by the time Fall of 2012 had rolled around, I had done as Lily said, I'd accepted the fact that Barney was getting married. I was even able to feel happy for him, plus I had something entirely different to be happy about. So, I've told you kids that I did some pretty crazy stuff before I met your mother, but stealing Victoria away from her fiancé was by far one of the craziest. The whole thing had happened a few weeks after Lily and I had spoken on the rooftop, it was a spontaneous decision, but at the time, I really thought it was best.<em>

* * *

><p>Victoria forced herself not to look back in the direction of the church. Their hands were still intertwined between them, yet much more loosely than they had been a moment ago.<p>

"Ted," She said quietly, "I hate to ruin this super romantic moment and everything, but I think we need to talk about this."

He looked at her expectantly, unsure of how to respond. Being spontaneous had felt so amazing, and horrible all at once. He knew that talking would do anything but continue to suppress those guilty feelings, but you don't mess with a bride on her wedding day. Even in these circumstances, he assumed that rule still applied.

"Where does this leave us?" Victoria asked. "I mean, I know it's early to talk about this, but I just ran out on my wedding and am kind of panicking right now. I just think I need to know where we're headed. I'm leaving everything behind for you, and I'm happy to be. You have no idea how long I've wondered if we could ever have another a shot to ride into the sunset together…" Her voice trailed off.

"But?"

"Are we going somewhere with this? Or are we just driving aimlessly here."

"I don't know if you're speaking literally or not."

"Ted." She gave him a serious look.

"I thought we were just being spontaneous." He admitted.

"We were." She said, "We are, but now I think we need to think this through a little more."

"Do you remember the night we met?" Ted asked her.

"Of course I do."

He smiled at the memory of meeting her, how simple everything had been on that first night compared to now. "We had this perfect evening together, not even knowing each other's last names. And at the end of it, when I tried to kiss you, you insisted on only a drumroll-"

"-To keep things from becoming too real." Victoria finished. "What are you saying?"

"Can't we just live in that honeymoon phase, just for a little while?"

Victoria shook her head. "Ted, I need to know that you're serious about being with me, before we go any further."

After a moment, Ted tightened his grasp around her hand, "Okay."

"You're sure about this?"

He nodded.

"And what about Robin?" She asked, knowing it needed to be addressed.

"What about Robin?"

"_Ted_."

"Robin was the one who told me I should call you. I know this may seem hard to believe, but there's nothing between us anymore. For a while I was just trying to force something that wasn't there, but I'm done." He said earnestly.

"And you can promise me that nothing will ever happen between you two again?"

He turned to face her, "She moved on ages ago. And since then, I've moved on too. There isn't any part of me that wants to go down that road again."

Victoria smiled, "So, we're really doing this."

"We really are."

* * *

><p><em>The four months following Marvin's birth had been most difficult and wonderful of Marshall and Lily's life, nonetheless, it was an adjustment. The first week home was the most exhaustive, even beating the times when they would pull all-nighters with your Uncle Barney. But after that first week, things started to return to normal, at least for Marshall. He returned to work, leaving Lily at home with Marvin until she would end her leave, four months later.<em>

* * *

><p>It had been another long day of work for Marshall, he came home to find Lily in the kitchen, making a dinner that he knew was going to be scrumptious. He flipped through the mail on the desk, and happened to find a letter from Lily's school. Being that it was already open, he removed the letter and began to read it.<p>

"Hey Lil?" Marshall called out to Lily.

"Yeah?" she answered, her attention elsewhere.

"What's this letter?"

"What letter?" she answered, still preoccupied in the kitchen.

"This one on the desk from the school?" It wasn't a question, but he'd said it as though it were.

"Oh shit." she mumbled quietly to herself. It had been the one thing on her mind all day."What letter?" she asked again, despite knowing exactly what he was talking about. Her paid maternity leave came to an end on Monday, and she had ignored the letter for as long as possible. Most of all, she didn't want to have this conversation. "There was no letter on the desk from the school."

Marshall appeared in the kitchen doorway, holding the letter in his hands, and looked her in the eyes.

"Lil, this letter, it's open. Do know what it's about?"

If she hadn't known any better, she would've thought that he was accusing her of something. She sighed, wanting to get this over with, "Yeah."

"How long has this been here?" he asked.

"Two weeks," she admitted quietly.

"Lily, it says you have to go back to work on Monday."

"I know."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Marshall asked, his voice holding a supportive tone. "I could have helped look for a nanny, I could have helped you get everything ready…"

"I don't want to go back, Marshall," she blurted out, interrupting him mid-sentence.

"What do you mean you don't want to go back? You love teaching!" he responded, distraught and confused.

"I know, but I don't know that I _love it_ love it anymore."

"Lily-"

"It's fine, Marshall," she responded, almost somberly. "Really."

"It's obviously not fine, Lil. Tell me what changed," he insisted. He wanted to know, he wanted to feel like he could help.

Lily continued with the same tone, "Nothing changed."

"Is it Marvin? Do you want to stay home with him?"

"No," she scoffed. He knew that being a stay at home mom had never been a part of her plan. "No, I don't."

"Because we've always discussed you going back to work."

"I know. I just can't do it," she finally admitted.

"Marshall, I love you and I love Marvin so, so much, but I can barely handle it. I'm barely surviving. If I had to add a new group of kindergartners on top of it, who I have to teach to sit, and raise their hands, and wipe their noses, and be quiet, I just don't know that I won't snap. There will be nothing left of me."

"Lily," he muttered, his voice cracked. He'd had no idea she felt this way. "I am so sorry. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was afraid of how you were going to react," she replied quietly, looking away from him, her eyes tear-stained. Lily now realized that it had been a stupid idea, but at the time, telling him the truth was a scary thought.

"Lily," he muttered in response to her tears. "Come here." He pulled her into a hug and leaned against the counter. "I'm never going to be upset at you following your heart, as long as we talk about it first. Okay?"

She nodded into his shoulder, staining his shirt with tears. Marshall sighed, before adding, "I knew I would have to go back to work really soon after Marvin was born, but I'm really sorry for not being there with you."

"Marshall, there was nothing you could've done."

"I know. I just wish I would have known so that I could help you make that decision. You don't need to hide things like this from me. I want to know. I want to be part of the big decisions. It's our family's future on the line." he insisted.

"Okay," she said as she wiped the corner of her eyes, finally feeling a little better.

"What do you want to do?" he asked, letting her go and picking up the knife behind him to help her cut the carrots and potatoes for dinner. "You don't want to be a stay at home mom, you don't want to teach… So what's your plan?"

"Maybe stay home a little bit more with Marvin, and take up painting again." She said with a shrug, while stirring a pot on the stove. "I miss it. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I got that letter."

"Okay, so you paint." he agreed, Marshall knew this would make things tough for them, but he didn't mind.

"I um… I also want to get back into the art world. I want to go to gallery openings, and talk with other artists and-"

"That sounds great," he interrupted. "We can make it a point to go to galleries."

"Then maybe, when I'm ready, I can get a job at a gallery," she shared hesitantly. "It's an idea that I've been thinking about lately, it would keep me involved in the art world, and I'd make more money than through painting alone."

"You've given this a lot of thought." There was a smile on his face, and a congratulatory tone to his voice.

"I have."

"That's wonderful." Marshall set the knife down, and closed the short distance between them. "I love you, Lilypad."

Lily looked up at her husbands hazel brown eyes, and smiled. "I love you too, Marshmallow."

Their lips met and all cooking and futures were forgotten. Despite spending the majority of their summer alone together, they'd had little time to themselves. Marvin never let them be alone together.

Right as Marshall's hand reached up her shirt, as if on cue, Marvin started to whimper from the nursery. Marshall groaned, pulling his hand away.

"It's not a bad thing," Lily said with a chuckle, as she turned to go out of the kitchen. "I was in the middle of cooking dinner anyway."

"No, wait," he called. "Let me go get him."

"Thanks," Lily sighed. She realized that maybe she should have had this conversation months ago, because the future didn't look nearly as bleak as it had an hour before.

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile, Aunt Robin was arriving at the World Wide News building with Nick on her arm. The two of them looked happy, and they were happy. Robin introduced him to all of her colleagues, even Sandy Rivers.<em>

* * *

><p>"I can't believe this is all for me." Robin said in amazement as her and Nick sat at the head table.<p>

"You deserve it all." Nick replied, and kissed her on the cheek.

"I'm glad you came."

"So am I." They both smiled and looked at each other in silence before Nick spoke once again.

"Robin, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure?"

"Why aren't any of your friends here?"

"Oh, they're busy." She lied.

"Robin, this is an important night for you." Nick paused for a moment, before adding, "Did you even tell them?"

"No, I didn't want to bother them with it, they all have a lot going on right now."

"I think they can spare _one _night. It would have been nice for me to meet them too. Plus they'd want to come."

"Can we just forget about them tonight, please? I just want to enjoy myself and avoid all the issues going on right now."

"I'm sorry for bringing it up, but I think you need someone who's going to make you confront things you want to avoid. And as of right now, that guy is me."

"I hear that guy doesn't get laid a lot."

"Funny, I've heard otherwise."

"Oh, is that so?"

They both chuckled at their little banter before kissing sweetly.

For the rest of the night Robin was bombarded with people congratulating her, telling her how they always knew she'd be a famous news anchor. There were speeches; lots of them. People Robin had worked with years earlier, people Robin worked with now, even people who knew Robin but Robin didn't seem to know at all. They all talked about Robin and her career. She felt proud, accomplished.

Finally, her years of hard work had paid off. But she couldn't enjoy any of it, she was too busy thinking about how much she missed her friends.

* * *

><p>"Bar. Now." Ted spoke with urgency into his cellphone.<p>

An exhausted Marshall yawned on the other end, "Eight or higher, bro."

"I called Victoria, she showed up at the bar in a wedding dress, and ran out on her wedding to ride off with me into the sunset." He said, much faster than usual.

"I'll be there in five minutes."

Marshall arrived at the bar with much more energy than he had seemed to have over the phone, but there were still bags under his eyes. "Dude, that's huge." He said as soon as he sat down in the booth.

"I know."

"She left her fiancé at the alter?"

"Yes."

"And you are okay with that?"

"Well, I mean-" Ted began.

"What were you thinking? I mean, after you went through the same thing?"

"Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I think I made the right decision. This isn't just some selfish thing. If there was any part of Victoria that wasn't ready to get married, I only did her and her fiancé a favor. Besides, it was half her decision. I'm not the bad guy here."

After a second, Marshall's expression softened. "That's fair." He said. "I'm happy for you two."

Ted smiled, "Thanks buddy."

"And one more thing before I go back upstairs", Marshall said, "Would you mind asking Victoria if she could make a cake? You know, as a getting-back-together celebration or something."

He laughed, "Sure."

As Marshall turned to leave, Ted stopped him. "I think I'm going to ask Victoria to marry me."

"Marry you? Ted are you—" Marshall stopped mid-sentence as Barney and Quinn joined them at their usual booth.

"Marshall! You're finally back at the bar!" Barney exclaimed joyfully,

"No, I'm not Barney, I was actually just about to—"

"Quinn, be a doll, and get us some Scotch. We need to celebrate, Marshall's finally off house arrest. He found his balls and told Lily he needed some guy time."

Quinn walked over to the bar, and Barney lifted his hand for a high five. "Nice one, bro. I'm proud of you. The kid's not even one yet and you're already ditching it for us. Awesome."

Marshall shook his head at Barney, and turned to Ted. "I'm going to head back upstairs, I can't deal with this much Barney at once."

Ted nodded, "Goodnight."

Marshall waved meekly and walked out of the bar, as Quinn returned with four glasses and a bottle of Glenn McKenna.

"I've gotta go too." Ted told them, "There's something I've got to do."

Barney sighed in defeat, finally putting down his hand, he'd realized that no one was going to high five him in that moment.

"Nooo! This is so _not_ awesome. Marshall is barely here for five seconds and now you're leaving too? Come on, bro, let's play laser tag, or go to the cigar bar. Don't leave me alone here!" Barney whined.

"Dude, Quinn is right there with you."

Barney looked over at Quinn, who sat beside him, her arms crossed in annoyance. "Yeah, but we already did it in the bathroom. Plus she doesn't like cigars."

She shrugged, "Its true, they remind me of Creepy Chris from The Lusty Leopard. He always smelled of a Cuban cigar and got way too handsy."

"Yeah," Ted said, stretching out the word. "Victoria is waiting for me at home, so …"

Barney looked up at Ted, "Whoa, Victoria? You mean, you took Robin's advice? You really went after her?"

Ted nodded, "Yeah, I kind of stole her away from her wedding …."

"Wait, you what?"

Quinn could see the hesitation on Ted's face, and knew it was her cue to leave. "Barney, I think I'm going to go get a pedicure. I'll meet you back at the apartment."

Barney kissed her lightly on the lips before turning back to Ted. Once Quinn had left, Ted told him the whole story. Barney smiled approvingly, "This is great. No its better than great, its legend-wait-for-it—"

"Wow, Barney, I never thought I'd see you so excited about me getting married."

"I know, I'm really warming up to the whole marriage idea. Ooh and Ted, we can be each other's best men!"

"Well, actually, I think—" Ted's phone rang, interrupting him mid-sentence. He looked at the caller ID and back up to Barney. "Speaking of, its Victoria. I'm going to head out."

Barney poured himself and glass of Scotch and tipped it up towards Ted, who nodded as he answered his phone.

* * *

><p><em>Kids, had your Uncle Barney not interrupted Marshall and mine's conversation, I probably would've received a lecture, one that would've stopped me from what I did next.<em>

* * *

><p>Ted walked into his apartment, and placed his thin jacket on the hook beside the door. He walked into the kitchen where Victoria was, icing a batch of cupcakes. They'd decided that while they were figuring things out, Victoria would stay at his apartment. Ted dipped his finger into the icing and Victoria playfully slapped his hand. He licked the icing off his finger and walked into the living room.<p>

"You know, I was thinking about what you said, about things needing to be serious between us." He said casually, calling to her from the other room.

"And?" She entered their living room, wiping her hands on a dish towel. She placed the towel on the coffee table, and stood in front of Ted, awaiting his response.

"Victoria," He went down onto one knee, "Will you marry me?"

Her face was full of shock, yet still with a hint of a smile. It took almost a full minute before she opened her mouth to respond.

* * *

><p>Robin walked up to the bar, still dolled up from her WWN event. Nick had dropped her off at her apartment but she'd ended up at MacLaren's as she often did when she needed to be alone. Although she had enjoyed having Nick by her side all night, she was ready to be alone. Barney sat at the gang's usual booth, nursing a scotch. He waved at Robin as she entered. She ordered a drink and joined him on the opposite side.<p>

"You look nice." He remarked.

"Thanks I had a thing." She said, brushing it off.

"Work thing?"

"Yeah, it's not a big deal." Barney didn't respond, but she could see him prying with his eyes. She rolled her eyes and sighed, "They were throwing a little party in my honor, I guess." She thought about it for a second, and smiled, "And I officially got my promotion." Robin added. Finally saying the words out loud, sharing her news with someone, made it feel real. She could hear the excitement in her own voice, and was grateful that Barney was the first she told.

"That's amazing! Congrats. Why didn't you tell any of us?" The was an undertone of hurt in his voice, one that Robin tried to ignore.

"Thanks. And I don't know, you're all kind of in your own little worlds right now. You and Quinn, Ted and Victoria, Marshall, Lily and Marvin, I didn't want to bother you with my thing."

"It just sucks you had to go alone."

"I, uhh, I didn't..."

"Work guy? Escort?"

"No, no." Robin laughed it off. "I've been seeing this guy for the past few months, Nick."

"Scherbatsky! You little minx, you're finally getting laid, and didn't tell anyone? Congrats, bro! I'm sure it's nice to fill the non-metaphorical hole in

your pants." Barney joked and they both laughed. "Seriously, I'm happy for you."

"Thanks." Robin smiled. "It's been a good four months for me."

"You haven't told the rest of the gang about him?"

"I always tell you things first," Robin paused, trying to think of a way to recover from the awkward moment that she'd just placed them in, "…bro."

"Lily's going to kill you, she loves your sex life." Barney said, changing the topic quickly.

"It seems everyone in our group is concerned with my sex life."

"Well we all know I've been hittin' it every night. What up!" He lifted his hand for a high five, she shook her head with a smile, and Barney cooly placed his rejected hand back on the table. "The engagement sex is so good, I almost don't want to get married."

"So I'm taking it you guys haven't set a date yet?"

"Nope. But, speaking of Quinn, I promised I'd meet her at home, so I better be going."

"Oh, okay. Have fun."

"You have fun with Nick." Barney smiled, then left.

Robin finished her own drink before heading home. She laid in bed on the verge of sleep when she received a "goodnight" text from Nick. Robin smiled and drifted off to sleep.


	2. Episode 2

_Kids, in the beginning of the fall of 2012, everyone seemed to be content with their relationships. But as we would later learn, the Autumn of Break Ups was about to begin. As you might remember, I'd just proposed to Victoria; and what should've been the longest pause of my life was incredibly short._

* * *

><p>Ted's anxiety peaked, and his thoughts raced, before he could register what he'd said, Victoria had replied.<p>

"Yes!" She said with more relief than enthusiasm.

He froze in front of her. The answer should've been the one he was hoping for. As much as he tried to convince himself that this panic, along with the sudden tightness in his chest, was normal, he knew that the truth pointed to the contrary.

Unsure of what else to do, he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her gently. This was right. It had to be. And that was what he was going to tell himself until he truly believed it.

"Are you sure you're ready? I mean, you just got out of something serious and you're still figuring out who you are on your own. I don't want to push you towards – " Ted began.

"We waited six years for each other. I don't want to wait any longer."

"I just don't want you to marry me to prove that you're ready to, after what happened with Klaus."

"What do you mean?"

"Are you really over Klaus? Or is this your way of moving on."

"Ted, I'm ready to get married. If I'm being honest, no, I'm not completely over Klaus. But that doesn't mean I have regrets and it doesn't make me want to be with you any less. We were right for each other six years ago, and I think the fact that that spark is still there really means something."

"Can I ask you something?" He said slowly.

She nodded.

"Why didn't you marry Klaus?"

"He wasn't my lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. It's a word in German, means 'lifelong treasure of destiny', loosely anyways. Klaus used it when he proposed to me. He told me that it's an instantaneous feeling. One that courses through you like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. One that you feel throughout your body; in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin." She recited dreamily. " But the more I thought about his words the more I realized that it wasn't how I felt. I loved Klaus, don't get me wrong, but he isn't my lebenslangerschicksalsschatz."

"Am I?" Ted asked.

"Yeah …" She said hesitantly, Ted looked at her, unconvinced. "I think so." Victoria added quietly.

* * *

><p><em>The Next Day<em>

* * *

><p>Robin walked into MacLaren's and spotted her friends at their usual booth. She grabbed a chair and sat at the head of the table, joining Barney, Quinn, Marshall, Lily and Marvin.<p>

"Oh hey there, traitor." Lily greeted viciously.

Robin laughed in confusion, "What?"

"You know what." Lily replied, the same amount of betrayal in her voice.

A wave of realization came over Robin; she shot Barney a dirty look.

"You told her that I told you first?"

"Whaaaat?" Barney said dramatically, he slammed the glass in his hand down against the booth, spraying Scotch everywhere. "Woman, that is just absurd! How could you accuse me of something that –"

"Barney, you literally just told us." Marshall interrupted.

* * *

><p><em>Two Minutes Earlier<em>

* * *

><p>Barney sat down in the booth, he handed Quinn a beer, and held a Scotch for himself. Marshall and Lily joined them, with baby Marvin strapped to Lily's chest in an infant carrier.<p>

"Do you know if Robin and Ted are going to meet us here?" Marshall asked.

Lily shrugged, "Ted might be busy with Victoria. But I texted Robin, she said she was on her way. I just feel kind of bad."

"Why?" Quinn inquired.

"You know, we're all getting so serious. You two are engaged, Ted's back with Victoria, Marshall and I started a family. And Robin is just … still single."

Barney pressed his teeth against his bottom lip, attempting to hold in a laugh.

"I just don't want-" Lily stopped as she looked at Barney. "What do you know?"

"I know nothing and you will never get it out of—"

"Spill." Lily said, her green eyes burning into Barney's face.

"Robin is dating someone, she seems pretty happy about it too."

* * *

><p>… is completely true." Barney finished with an unapologetic smile.<p>

Robin rolled her eyes, "I should've known."

"So, bitch," Lily said covering her sleeping infants ears, "who's this guy? And why do I not know about him?" her fingers drummed the table top impatiently.

"Ugh, fine. His name is Nick. I didn't want to tell you guys until it was serious, but we've been together for four months now—"

"FOUR MONTHS?!"

"Lil, the baby." Marshall said with a warning glance. Lily looked down and kissed the top of Marvin's head before shooting Robin a death stare.

"Uh… yeah, but its no big deal."

"Robin, you have had a boyfriend for four months and didn't tell me?"

"Well, you had your eight or higher rule, and you've been so busy with Marvin, I didn't want to bother you with it."

"This is an eight or higher. We need to meet this guy." Lily said sternly.

Robin looked around the table, they all seemed to agree with Lily.

"Okay, fine, I'll bring him by tomorrow night." She held her hands up as if to prove her innocence, and Lily smiled, happy to have gotten her way.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe Marshall and Lily brought the baby to the bar." Quinn said as she pulled the duvet off their bed. Barney looked over at her from where he stood in front of the dresser, half-undressed.<p>

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know if a bar is really the best place for an infant."

Barney shrugged, and removed his shirt, placing it in the laundry basket. "They're good parents, I'm sure he'll be fine."

"I know. Its just, if you ever did that I'd pretty annoyed."

Barney laughed, "Well I guess it's a good thing we don't have to worry about that."

"Not yet."

He felt his entire body grow cold, Barney looked over at Quinn, "What do you mean?"

"I know we haven't really talked about it, but we are getting married …" Her voice trailed off when she noticed Barney standing as still as a statue. "You know what, we don't have to talk about this now."

Quinn walked over to her fiancée and threaded her hands through his hair. "Lets just forget about it for tonight. Okay?"

Barney nodded, trying to remove the shock and fear from his expression. Quinn kissed him, and reached for the waist of this pants. "Let's have completely protected sex tonight, okay. No more baby talk."

Barney smiled as he kissed her back, it was an offer he couldn't refuse.

* * *

><p>Robin climbed into her bed, where Nick lay shirtless, waiting for her. She smiled, and kissed him lightly on the lips.<p>

"So, I was talking to the gang today, and they all collectively agreed that they want to meet you. I hope you're okay with that …" Robin said hesitantly.

"Are you kidding me? Robin, I'd love that."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I know how important they are to you. I feel kind of like I'm meeting your parents."

Robin laughed, "Oh no, this is much worse than that."

Nick smiled, "Should I be nervous?"

"No, no …" her tone was unconvincing, "I mean … they can be – You know what, I'm sure they'll love you."

"I hope you're right."

Robin rubbed his hand reassuringly, "Don't worry about it. Tomorrow after work, we can meet them at MacLaren's and everything will be fine."

But even as she said the words, there was a feeling of doubt in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

><p>Ted gazed over at his phone, there was a text from Robin.<p>

_We are all meeting at the bar tomorrow night. I want you guys to meet my new boyfriend._

Ted showed Victoria the message, and she smiled. "Good for her, I didn't know she was dating someone."

"Me neither." Ted's gaze lingered on the message for longer than necessary.

"So, do you think tomorrow we should start telling people?" She asked, pulling Ted out of his thoughts.

"Tell people what?" He asked, confused.

"About the engagement? What else?" Victoria sat up and gave him an offended stare.

"Oh," He paused. "I think we should wait."

"Why should we wait, Ted? We've been waiting to be together for so long and now we are and you don't even want to tell your best friends?"

"It's not that I don't want to tell them, they all have their own stuff going on right now. "

"They can make time to hear about our engagement, Ted. I think you're having second thoughts, already."

"I'm not." Despite this, she remained unconvinced. "Victoria, it's only been a day." he insisted.

She raised her voice, "You guys update each other on every single detail of your personal lives. You send each other texts to describe what your deuces look like, for God's sake. You call Marshall to meet with you at the bar as early as seven in the morning. Don't act like you getting engaged is something that you wouldn't want them to know about right away."

"You haven't even told your parents yet, I haven't told _my_ parents yet."

"Ted, how happy do you think my dad will be that I'm getting married again with the guy I left my fiancée for?"

"He'll be ecstatic!"

"I want to know why this is such an issue for you."

"It's too soon!" Ted spat out.

"Excuse me? You're the one who proposed."

"Yeah, because I love you and don't want to lose you. I thought if I showed you how serious I was you'd, you know, calm down a bit about the wedding thing."

"I have been calm about the wedding thing! I haven't even mentioned the wedding thing!"

Ted took a deep breath, trying to smooth over the situation. "You know what, its getting late. Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow."

Victoria got off the couch and walked towards the bedroom, there was a tone of annoyance in her voice. "Sure."

* * *

><p><em>So kids, the next day, we all met at MacLaren's to meet Nick.<em>

* * *

><p>Quinn left the booth, "I'll be right back." She told Barney lovingly.<p>

He smiled at her, and kissed her on the lips. "Okay baby."

Marshall and Lily stared at Barney, their faces a mixture of confusion and worry.

"Barney, are you alright?" Marshall asked.

"I'm fine. Why would you ask?"

"Well, for one thing, your eye is twitching," Lily pointed out, "and that's your third Scotch and soda in the past ten minutes that we've been here."

Barney closed his left eye to stop the twitch Lily had pointed out, and with a shaky hand he placed his drink down on the table.

"See, I'm fine."

"Did something happen with Quinn?" Marshall asked.

His eye began to twitch again, "No, why—why would you think that? We are awesome. We're better than awesome, we are the perfect couple. And by couple I mean two. Just two of us. That is all."

Lily and Marshall looked at one another, "Are you freaking out about the whole monogamy thing again?" Lily asked.

Before Barney could answer, Quinn returned from the bathroom.

"What are we all talking about?" She asked.

She watched as Lily and Marshall exchanged a cautious look. Quinn sighed, "Barney told you about the baby thing? Well, I didn't mean it negatively. I can tell you guys are great parents, I'm just not sure that I'd ever bring our kid to a bar." She grabbed Barney's hand as she spoke.

Barney laughed nervously, "_Our_ kid. Because we are going to be married soon, and married people have kids. HA!" He finished his drink, and got up to get another.

Lily looked at Quinn in shock, "Is that why he's being so weird? Because you want to have a baby?"

"So, I'm guessing he didn't tell you …"

Just then Victoria and Ted entered the bar, holding a bottle of champagne, they headed over to the usual booth.

"We're engaged!" They announced simultaneously. The sound of the cork flying off the champagne bottle was the only sound from their table.

* * *

><p>"You sure about this?" Robin placed her hands on Nick's chest, stopping him from entering the bar.<p>

"Robin, it will be fine."

She sighed, but kept her hands on his chest, she could feel his muscular pecs beneath his thin t-shirt. Robin kissed his neck, and moved her hand down his torso, running her fingers along his perfectly sculpted abs.

Nick cleared his throat, and gently pulled Robin off him, "Maybe we should go inside?"

"Mhmm. Yeah, uh, good idea." She blushed, realizing that she may have gotten a little carried away.

They entered MacLaren's holding hands, Robin lead Nick over to their very crowded booth. Marshall, Lily (with baby Marvin strapped to her chest) and Quinn were squeezed onto one side, while Victoria, Ted and Barney sat across from them. At the head of the booth were two chairs, Robin introduced Nick to everyone, before they sat down. She couldn't help but feel a bit claustrophobic.

"Champagne?" Robin asked perplexed, as Ted handed her and Nick each a glass, "What's the occasion?"

Victoria held up her left hand, wiggling her fingers before Robin to show off an engagement ring.

Robin's eyes widened, "Oh, wow. Congrats you two."

"Isn't it just great?" Ted said weakly. His smile was too large, even for Ted. No one in the group said what they were all thinking, which was that he seemed more terrified than excited.

* * *

><p>Robin escorted Nick out of the bar, kissing him sweetly on the lips, before returning to her friends at the booth.<p>

"So?" She asked with a smile.

"He seems great." Victoria said, and Ted shot her a look. She shrugged, and looked away.

"Yeah… he's um … nice." Marshall added, and Lily nodded.

"Very attractive." Quinn told her.

Robin crossed her arms, "Alright, what's wrong with him?"

Barney opened his mouth to speak, but Lily put her hand up, "No! We aren't going to do this, we're not going to shatter that illusion. Remember when we did that to Ted?"

"Did what to Ted?" Victoria asked.

"Oh, I was dating this girl Cathy," Ted began, and everyone collectively groaned. "after she met the group, they realized something I hadn't. She talked a lot."

"A lot? Ted, that is literally the biggest understatement ever." Robin added.

"Yeah, that's like saying I slept with 'a lot' of women. When the number is well over 200." Barney said with a laugh. They all stared at him in shock and disgust.

Quinn patted his hand gently, "Shh."

"My point is," Ted continued, "once they told me that she wouldn't shut up, it shattered the illusion I'd had of her. I couldn't look at her the same way again, its like if someone spoils the ending of a movie to you. You can't enjoy it nearly as much."

"Which is exactly why we can't tell you what we really think of Nick." Lily concluded.

Robin sighed, "Oh come on, it can't be that bad. Plus, if Nick and I are really meant to be together then I'm sure I can overlook this minor flaw."

They all nodded and mumbled to each other.

"Yeah … sure."

"I mean, its not really that bad."

"It's pretty bad."

"We can't tell her."

"Guys," Robin said frustrated, "I am literally right here, I can hear what you're saying."

"Fine, you wanna know," Barney began.

"No!" Lily insisted, "Let her be happy in her bubble."

"Nick is …" Barney dragged out the sentence for dramatic effect,

"Don't do it, bro." Marshall encouraged.

"…he's a complete idiot."

"What?" Robin said in shock.

She took a moment to reflect on their relationship, and like a brick through a window, the illusion was shattered.

"Oh my god."

"Robin, are you okay?" Victoria asked.

"I—um, I'm fine. I'm going to head home guys."

Robin got up from the table and left.

"Way to go Barney," Lily grimaced, "You ruined him for her."

"She had to find out eventually." He said with a shrug.

* * *

><p>Victoria and Ted walked through the dark street, their hands intertwined. It was late, and a bit chilly, but they'd decided that walking was better than sitting in a stuffy cab for twenty blocks.<p>

"I can't believe Barney told Robin like that." Ted said, shaking his head.

"Yeah," Victoria paused, thinking about it, "but maybe it was for the best."

He looked over at her, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"Maybe it's better to know that things aren't going to work out before its too late."

Ted nodded in agreement, a feeling of awkwardness cascaded over the couple.

She stopped walking, and pulled her hand away from his, with a sigh, Victoria announced. "This isn't working, is it?"

"Maybe not." Ted admitted.

"I don't know if you're my lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. I've been thinking about that a lot. I think you're supposed to know. If you have to think, you haven't felt it."

"I've been thinking too."

"I guess that makes you my beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand."

He looked at her questioningly.

"It's the thing that is almost the thing that you want, but not quite. That was Klaus to me. And…" She looked at Ted, somewhat unwilling to tell him the rest of her thought. She knew that he knew, and was grateful when he finished for her.

"That's who I am to you, as well. Isn't it?"

She nodded. "And that's who I am to you too."

"Then I guess this is it."

After a moment, Victoria smiled, "I still love you, and I'll always love our story -"

"Our drumroll." Ted smiled back at her.

"I just don't think it was meant to be anything more than a drumroll."

"It was a nice drumroll, while it lasted."

"I don't regret any of it, and if I had the choice you would be my lebenslangerschicksalsschatz."

"You would be my Lifelong Treasure of Destiny too."

Ted held Victoria for what they both knew would be the last time. Neither of them cried, it was a bittersweet farewell. Ted kissed her one last time before she left. Now that he knew Victoria wasn't the one, he wanted more than anything to find her.

* * *

><p><em>Kids, when I was younger I was willing to do anything to find The One. But what I've learned is you can't force destiny, if it's meant to be, things will just work out. Had Victoria and I gotten married, I would've never met your mother. <em>


	3. Episode 3

_Kids, in the fall of 2012, your uncle Barney was in an idyllic relationship, just as we all were._

_Or at least that's what he thought. Hell, it was what we ALL thought at the time. But life has a dark secret, kids. And that secret is this: When you think that things are steering in your direction, you'll find that most likely, they're steering in the exact opposite direction. It's a harsh truth- and your uncle Barney was no exception to the rule._

* * *

><p>Barney was on a high particularly unheard of for him; even though he was often overeager and overexcitable, this seemed to be a new level of energized on his behalf. He whirled in through the door of Marshall and Lily's apartment, slamming it behind him prior to his entrance, his face lit with an expression of glee.<p>

"Quinn and I are so in love, I could never be happier!" he declared. It was at that moment that, due to his brash arrival, Marvin started crying. Loudly.

Some annoyed grumbling could be heard from the bedroom- a frustrated sounding exchange of sentences like, "You feed him," and "Baby, I JUST fed him," followed by, "Yeah, well YOU'RE not the one with the boobs, cos' when these baby feeders start achin', mama's only gonna care that she's the one crying, not the baby!"

An exasperated groan, courtesy of Marshall. "FINE. This time. But you'd better have some bottles prepared, Lily. We're not gonna have another breast pump incident."

A haggard looking Marshall emerged, Marvin in hand. Barney stared at him, one eyebrow raised. "Breastpump incident?"

"None of your business," Marshall told him grumpily. "Here- you wouldn't mind holding Marvin while I go fill up, would you?"

Barney scratched the back of his head. "Well, I mean, I guess. But if the little rugrat does anything nasty on my suit, then…let's just say he's gonna have whatever he's got coming."

Marshall handed the baby to Barney, who accepted the little bundle almost gratefully. Upon taking him into his arms, he smiled a little bit, gently jiggling the baby up and down in his arms. That was before Marvin sneezed on him.

"Whoa!" Barney reacted, holding the baby slightly away from himself, perturbed by the sudden spray of baby sneeze matter. "See, THIS is why I don't trust holding babies! Sounds like we got a sick one on deck here."

"Yes, Barney, that's exactly what's going on," Marshall told him dryly as he returned from the kitchen, bottle in hand. "See, when Marvin gets sick…" He paused dramatically, before saying, "He's not like other children."

"What do you mean by that?" Barney asked.

"I mean that he becomes a literal baby hurricane. A violent storm of snotty, pukey nastiness that's basically equivalent to Pompeii, but minus the death. It's like Pom-pee."

Barney nodded. "And…other babies aren't like that?"

"Other babies don't scratch the SURFACE of that."

Barney looked down at the baby in his arms. He could do this. For this baby, he could do anything. "Alright you two, get out on your date," he told them. "Just get back before he gets sicker. Don't be surprised if I call you."

"Thanks again, Barney."

"Not a problem. He may be a baby, but he's awesome, well, besides for the suit ruining and all."

* * *

><p><em>See kids, a lot of things change when you are a parent; your career goals, your life choices, your sleeping habits, and so on. But you don't really realize quite how much until you become one yourself. In the fall of 2012, this was something that your uncle Barney, aunt Robin and I still had yet to understand, even though we spent some time with and babysat your cousin. As I already told you, aunt Lily and uncle Marshall had invoked the eight or higher rule, and it made us feel almost as if we had to compete for their attention. And we didn't realize quite how much that was true until one day that fall.<em>

* * *

><p>"So, you guys spent your first night out in five months sitting at home planning for your own deaths?" Ted asked skeptically.<p>

"Yeah, we found this Web site that helps you make a will," Marshall explained. "I keep reassuring Lily that this is all hypothetical. Relatively speaking, New York City is very safe." Lily nodded in agreement.

"Please!" Barney exclaimed. "Faulty elevators, exploding manhole covers, jealous husbands-" he ticked off on his fingers while holding his scotch. "This place is a coroner's paradise."

"Ooh!" Lily mumbled in fear, getting more and more fearful as Barney continued.

"They are way more likely to eat it in a mugging gone wrong," Robin added, feeling quite proud of herself. "There was a double hommy on your block like a week ago. Caught it on the scanner during lunch. Knife job. Guy made a real mess of it too."

Marshall couldn't have been more annoyed at Barney and Robin at the moment. Lily was already upset enough as it was.

"Anyway," he changed the subject to keep his wife from crying, "then we got to the section about picking a guardian."

* * *

><p><em>The previous evening<em>

* * *

><p>"Sometimes couples choose one of their parents as a guardian," Marshall read off of the screen. "That makes it simple," he said, turning to Lily, as if the choice was obvious. "My mom."<p>

"Your mom?" Lily questioned, taken aback that Marshall could even suggest such a thing.

"What's wrong with my mom?"

* * *

><p>"Let's just say that argument went on for a long time," Lily joked.<p>

* * *

><p>"Fine. All right. Marvin won't go to my loving mother," Marshall said sarcastically, but conceded. "But he's got to go to somebody."<p>

"Fine. What about my mom?"

"Your mom?"

* * *

><p>"So did that one," Marshall agreed.<p>

* * *

><p>"Fine," Lily surrendered. "Not my mom. What about my dad?"<p>

"Your dad?"

* * *

><p>"That one, not so much," Lily admitted<p>

"Yeah, but then I had a great idea," Marshall added.

* * *

><p>"Okay, yeah, he's out," Lily conceded quickly. Even she knew it was a bad idea.<p>

"Wait a minute," Marshall said, pointing his finger like he had finally gotten it all figured out. "You know who could be good? My brother Marcus. He's like a great dad. Do you remember his Christmas card?"

"Questionable denim choices aside, Marcus is a good dad," Lily admits. "I guess if Marvin has to go to anyone, it should be family."

"Okay, great," he muttered, finally happy to have chosen someone. He had agreed with Lily wholeheartedly. They wanted him to be with family.

He retrieved his phone to make the call.

"Marcus, hey, how's it going?"

"Pretty freaking sweet, buttwipe," Marcus replied tauntingly. "I packed up all my crap; I said, see ya to Sarah and the kids; and I finally got my dream job as a mixologist down here at Carnalism 2," he said excitedly. "Hold on. Some punk's trying to use his snorkel rental as a bong." He changed to a Jamaican accent as Marshall cringed over the phone. "Hey! You be packin' that bowl too tight, mon."

* * *

><p>"So, now we don't have a guardian," Lily sighed, frustrated. They were all out of options.<p>

"You know, as your best friend, if called upon, I'd be honored to raise Marvin," Ted tried to convince in his professor voice.

"If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Ted's your guy," Robin smirked, turning the argument towards her. "If you want him pulling the cord on some other nerd's panties, I'm your guy," she added with a whisper, while smirking at Ted.

"I'll teach that kid how to be awesome in ways you and Lily never could. It's going to be legend," Barney paused for dramatic effect, "wait for it, no, -I won't wait for it and neither should little baby Marvin, so maybe it's better if you two just die right now-" he said in a rush, while pulling his hands into a prayer position, "-dary."

* * *

><p><em>And so began the longest week of Lily and Marshall's lives.<em>

_Naturally, having just broken up with Victoria, I wasn't in the right state of mind. I was a bit of a mess, and I wanted to win in the worst way. And that included bribing Lily and Marshall with many, many things. Little did I know, at the time, Barney and Robin each had their own reasons for wanting to win, and both were competing with me in their own way. Barney, with songs, and Robin with other things._

_Then one night, Lily and Marshall finally had enough._

* * *

><p>"Hey, guys, hey," Marshall stated walking into the bar, his bulky coat hiding his attire.<p>

"Hey," Ted, Robin, and Barney greeted in unison.

"Lily and I need you to come upstairs," Marshall explained sincerely, marking the three friends think that they had come to a decision. "This is an important decision and we can't have you constantly interrupting us with this childish competition."

* * *

><p><em>So we followed him upstairs, expecting a mature conversation about who they had chosen. And we expected them to go all parent on us and chastise us for getting in their way over the past week. That, however, was the furthest from what we got.<em>

* * *

><p>"Which is why we're going to make it an official competition!" Marshall declared. "We're going to play Who Wants to Be a Godparent?" He looked at the wall, and added quieter while turning and pointing to the wall, "Right after this word from our sponsors."<p>

"Why is he talking to the wall?" Ted whispered, voicing all of the confusion shown in their faces, before he realized just what this meant. "Wait, this is how you're going to choose a guardian for Marvin? I mean, why don't you just put us in a three-way cage match and go with whoever's left standing?"

"We talked about that, but it gave Robin an unfair advantage," Lily said, and Robin agreed, pointing to her nose to tell Lily that she got it right on the money. Barney and Ted nodded in agreement. How Robin got to be so strong, they would never know.

"Yeah, you see, guys, we were really struggling with this decision," Marshall admitted. "And then I thought what do you do if you got a wife who won't stop crying, three idiots who won't stop bribing you, and a universally beloved skill for gamesmanship? You take a bunch of guardianship scenarios, throw them on a wheel, buy your wife an expensive dress so she'll participate," he explained.

"I'm pretty again," Lily said excitedly, pointing to her beautiful new evening gown.

"Bottom line is, I just wanted to make the idea of me and Lily dying," Marshall continued as Lily mumbled in the background, "fun."

"Now, if you'll step behind your podiums, we'll get started," Marshall announced in his best game show voice. "Contestants, here's how the game works. Lily will spin that wheel." Lily went to spin the wheel, but Marshall caught her, giving her a quiet, "Not yet." He continued.

"When it lands on a parenting issue, you'll each describe how you would handle it with Marvin. The contestant with the highest score gets to be his godparent. Ready to play? Great. Lily, spin that wheel!" He shouted enthusiastically, as Lily tried to get the three excited. They stood their stoically, just waiting for this all important game that would decide their fate, to start. "Okay, now, see, um, enthusiasm will factor into your scores," Marshall spelled out for them, in a more friendly voice, before turning back into the host. "So, I say again: Lily-"

"Spin that wheel!" they all joined in.

* * *

><p><em>We played long into the night. Some answers were better than others, but looking back on it, none of us knew what it meant to be a parent. Even when we made it to the lightning round, we still didn't get it. It was more important to each one of us to win, to get Lily and Marshall's attention, even if it were just for one night. Yet, it was an important night for us. It was the night that each of us came to the conclusion of what parenthood really meant to us.<em>

* * *

><p>Ted had finally had enough of being picked on. All those years ago, when he was in college and his younger years with Lily and Marshall, he assumed he would be going through all of this with them; the marriage, the children. And yet, here he was, in his mid-thirties, his second failed engagement in, and he knew. He knew that this might never happen for him.<p>

Worse off, he was fighting against two people who never wanted anything to do with parenthood. Why did he suddenly become the one that people didn't trust with the baby? It seemed like that was the case. After all, why would they even consider Barney or Robin. Plus, he's known them the longest. He should be the guardian. He has known them the longest. He's the natural dad of the group. And he's going to fight his hardest, because at this point, it may be the only shot he's got.

"This is ridiculous. I've known you for 16 years. I'm the obvious choice," he shouted, frustrated, as he came out from behind his podium.

Barney couldn't believe that Ted was using that tactic. Every time something like this came up, it was always about Ted being the best choice. Maybe his behavior babysitting last week didn't shed him in the best light, but there was one thing he knew for sure. He loved that kid.

The thing was, Barney had been doing a great deal of soul searching lately. Ever since Quinn brought up the subject of their children, he had been thinking about it almost constantly. He never wanted kids. He still didn't. Kids love him, and they are fun, for an afternoon or evening when he could spoil them and get them hyped up on sugar, and return them. But for the long term, he knew that he couldn't handle that. He knew he wanted to be the fun uncle. And he certainly, if it had to happen, couldn't imagine himself being a parent with Quinn. Not that they wouldn't have the most beautiful babies in the world, after all, they would be part him, but he couldn't see it working out well.

But for Barney, Marvin was always the exception to the rule. He loved the kid so much, and if he had to, he could raise him. He could fill in for Marshall and Lily and tell him about how great his friends are. Ted would have his own kids, and Robin didn't want them, so it would make sense for him to be the one to raise him.

"Oh, come on, if Ted raises him, the poor kid's still gonna be a virgin when he's 13," he butted in, because it was the only way he knew how. "I'm the obvious choice."

Robin was determined to win the game and become Marvin's legal guardian. She had been from the moment Lily and Marshall announced that they were trying to decide who would take care of Marvin if something were to happen to them. But it wasn't until Lily handed her the stuffed monkey that she realized how big of a deal this game really was.

As she looked down onto the stuffed animal and its cute features she couldn't help but be reminded of her infertility.

She quickly bit her lip and told herself to stay strong. This was not the right time for a breakdown; they were in the middle of a make-believe game show for Christ's sake. But dammit, being surrounded by all these baby items and actively thinking about how she would handle these situations was hard.

Granted, she hadn't dived too deep into all these fantasies and instead simply shared the parenting methods that her dad had used. Except for the bird's and bee's topic, her dad had never addressed any of that so she was forced to improvise on that one.

The point was, she hadn't been confronted with her infertility like this since the day Marvin was born. Seeing Lily holding her infant son and watching him with such unconditional love had stirred something in her as well, and Barney's hand on her back hadn't helped either.

But back then the joy over the birth had quickly displaced any others thoughts she'd had. Now they were talking about death though.

Suddenly Ted steps up with his speech about having been their best friends for over two decades and Barney follows suit.

Robin slightly starts to panic as she watches them argue. She should be Marvin's guardian, Ted and Barney can't take that from her. Both of them can have kids of their own, and most likely will. Barney and Quinn are getting married after all and no one ever doubted that Ted would be a father one day since he practically was already.

But she can't have that, so she should at least get to be the legal guardian for Marvin.

And maybe she doesn't know anything about parenting or child care, but she could figure it out. After all she's never been as fond of an infant as she is of Marvin.

That was the only reason she even got this competitive about becoming a godparent. There was a time when the thought alone would have terrified her, and she would have never fought to raise a kid that wasn't even her's. But that was before Barney and her's latest one-night-stand, before her diagnosis, and before she imagined a brown haired girl and suited boy.

So Robin steps forward as well, determined to win this.

"Hey, look," she argued, "as the only one of us packing a vag, I got a natural instinct for nurturing and crap like that. Plus, I can teach him how to bow hunt."

The three started to bicker, raising their voices to a point that aggravated Marshall and Lily.

"Guys, guys, guys! Okay! Alright!" Marshall shouted, finally getting them to calm down and their attention back on him. "Obviously, none of you knows what it really means to be a parent," he added with a disappointed tone.

"Well obviously, neither of you know what it means to be a friend anymore," Barney chided, walking away from them in disgust.

"What are you talking about?" Marshall asked in confusion, Lily's face showing a similar shade.

"Think about it," Ted pointed out, almost tearing up. "This is the most we've seen you two in five months."

"You don't seem to care what's going on in our lives unless it's an eight or higher," Robin added sadly.

"Well, what do you expect? We have a baby now," Marshall pointed out calmly.

"Yeah. The days of closing down MacLaren's are over. Unless you want to get up with us at 5:13 in the morning with a screaming baby" Lily agreed somberly, and almost bitterly.

"So that's it?" Ted questioned again, as Robin and Barney paced awkwardly in the background. "The end of an era, just like that?"

"Look we're sorry if-if we don't have time to sit around the bar listening to silly little dating problems," Marshall tried to apologize. "When you have a baby, it's not just the most important thing in your life, it's the only important thing. When are you guys gonna get that?"

"I think we get it," Ted said, and led the way out the door.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe they just walked out," Lily bemoaned sadly, finally back in her normal clothes while cleaning up toys.<p>

"Yeah. Maybe it's for the best. Barney was starting to pull ahead," Marshall joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I mean, how selfish can they be? We're trying to raise a child here. I'm sorry if I don't have time to deal with Ted's um," she paused realizing she had no idea what was going on in Ted's life. "Or Robin's um or-or Barney's-"

"Huh," Marshall mumbled in the startling realization. They shared a look in astonishment.

"You know, we were about to name one of them Marvin's godparent, and I can't tell you what's going on in any of their lives," Lily said sadly.

"Do you think that maybe we've been a little crappy as friends lately?"

Lily agreed, chiming the 'correct' sound from the game.

* * *

><p>"Do you really know how to bow hunt?" Ted asked Robin at the bar, as the three sat down for drinks.<p>

"Um, yeah," she answered as if it were obvious. "At the British Columbia Military School for Boys we called it making lunch."

"Hey, guys. We asked Mickey to watch Marvin so we could come down and talk," Lily announced, as Marshall pulled up a chair for himself at the end of the booth.

"I know that we didn't get to finish the game, but we've reached a decision." The other three looked around in shocked anticipation. "Lily?"

"We've decided," she paused, to reveal what she wanted to say, "to revoke the 'eight or higher' rule."

"What?" the three questioned, confused as to why this was the topic of conversation.

"We want to know everything that's going on with you guys," Lily said.

"Really?" Ted asked.

* * *

><p><em>And for the first time in almost half a year, Lily and Marshall closed down MacLaren's. And it was a great night, until...<em>

* * *

><p><em>5:13 am<em>

* * *

><p>Marvin screamed off in the distance. All three could tell it was early from their sleeping spots in Marshall and Lily's living room. But they all picked themselves up off of the floor and headed towards Marvin's room. Marshall and Lily emerged from their room, but are beaten to the door by an insisting Ted.<p>

"Go back to bed. We got this."

* * *

><p><em>You see kids, each of us overcame our demons about parenthood that night. Lily and Marshall learned what family really meant, finally deciding on all three of us for as Marvin's guardians. And Barney and Robin, well, they finally figured out that not wanting to be parents, but being a godparent, was just as valid of a decision. It was the first step to them being open for a relationship. And me, well, you know how that turned out.<em>


	4. Episode 4

_As you know, Marshall and Lily had just revoked the "Eight or Higher" rule. So naturally, the next hour or two was spent catching up with all the news from the past few months that they would've deemed to be a seven or lower. Kids, I'm not gonna lie to you, most of them were lower._

* * *

><p>"Barney, even with the rule set aside, I don't think having sex with your fiancée is really news worthy." Marshall sighed.<p>

"Oh trust me," he winked, "All my sex is news worthy."

"Especially with me." Quinn added, high fiving him proudly.

Lily smiled and shook her head. She'd missed everything about hanging out with the gang, Barney and Quinn's explicit sex stories included. "Okay, so what else is going on?"

* * *

><p><em>The night wore on, and after a while, most of us had gone home. Lily was the first to run back upstairs. She and Marshall had been taking turns looking after Marvin whenever they weren't watching him together or were without a babysitter. Left behind were Barney, Quinn and Marshall, still discussing the latest developments.<em>

* * *

><p>"I feel kind of sorry for Robin." Quinn stated, a few minutes after her and Nick had left.<p>

"Why?" Barney asked casually, trying to hide his concern.

"To be with someone who never challenges you. It must be so frustrating." She elaborated.

Barney shrugged, "well, you know, not every couple can be as awesome as we are."

They high fived high above their heads, for the second time that evening.

"Remember Ted and Zoey?" Marshall asked.

"I wish I didn't, that chick was bad news." Barney retorted.

"Who is Zoey?" Quinn wanted to know.

"An ex-girlfriend of Ted's, they challenged each other constantly." Marshall explained.

Barney took a sip from his scotch while Marshall silently reminisced about Zoey.

"I think it's good to challenge each other in a relationship though, we do it all the time." Quinn broke the silence.

"Yeah, you do." Marshall chuckled.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Barney questioned.

"Nothing." But Marshall's grin suggested otherwise.

"Spill it, Erikson." Barney demanded.

"In no means am I saying that you two are like Ted and Zoey, but you guys do challenge each other quite a bit as well."

Quinn raised her eyebrows, "So?"

"Real couples act more like a unit." Marshall responded matter-of-factly.

"Real couples?" Barney pretended to be outraged, holding his arms out dramatically, "oh I get it, you are just jealous now that Quinn and I are the best couple of the group."

"Best couple? That's cute." He laughed.

"What? We are."

"You guys are constantly competing with each other, besides, you've been a couple for about five minutes and think you can play with the big kids? Lily and I have been going strong for over a decade. We support each other, unlike you guys who are always trying to one up the other."

"Well, you guys are way too co-dependent." Barney countered.

"Exactly, Barney and I didn't just morph together, we are still two independent adults." Quinn added.

"Oh, I know that. The question is," Marshall paused for effect, "whether you really function as a couple."

"What's that supposed to mean? You know what? You are just lashing out because our relationship is superior to yours and Lily's."

"How? How is your relationship in any way superior to ours? We have gone through thick and thin together; we are raising a kid together. We actually trust each other."

"We trust each other." Quinn replied quickly.

"Yeah, right."

Barney and Quinn exchanged a quick glance before Barney dove back into the conversation.

* * *

><p><em>The next day, your Aunt Robin went to visit Aunt Lily at the apartment. Having a baby meant that their girls' nights out were confined to the living room.<em>

* * *

><p>"So," Lily smiled at Marvin who was lying on his belly, chewing a teething ring. She leaned in towards Robin, "Anything fun happen with Nick last night?" Lily winked at her.<p>

"What?"

"You know, did you have sex with him?" She explained, "I mean, we've all seen the man. I mean, wow. Mama needs some details."

"No, we uh .. we didn't have sex last night." Robin answered.

"Whaaaaaaaat?" Lily seemed shocked.

She lowered her voice, "Okay, if I tell you something you have to promise not to tell anyone, not even Marshall."

"Yes okay I promise. Spill."

"Nick isn't very skilled, if you know what I mean." Robin admitted cautiously.

"Nick?!" Lily shouted.

She shushed her. "Would you be quiet? I don't want the whole building to know!"

"Sorry, I'm just surprised."

"So was I." Robin said sullenly.

"Like, not even a little?"

"It's not horrible, but I've had better. Like a lot better. It's just something I have to adjust to, I guess." Robin sighed.

"I guess you guys could always talk." Lily suggested.

"That's what I thought we could do too, until we did."

"Can he not speak either?"

"He's not very smart."

"I noticed." Lily added.

Robin sighed, "Like the other day …"

* * *

><p><em>Flashback<em>

* * *

><p>Robin walked into Nick's apartment, exhausted after a long day at work. She was quick to shed her coat and join him on the couch.<p>

"Hey, babe. How was work?" He asked casually, not looking away from the baseball game on T.V.

"Exhausting," Robin sighed, "I got into a fight with Sandy about who Joan of Arc was. God, I swear some people are so uneducated."

"Who doesn't know Joan of Arc? I love her! That's one funny chick, the way she criticizes everyone. Man, her show is great! How can Sandy not know her?"

"Joan of Arc is a famous heroine," She paused, "are you talking about Joan Rivers?"

"Oh, yeah, that's her name! Love her." Nick replied, equally as enthusiastic as before.

"Do you really not know who Joan of Arc is?" Robin asked, almost concerned.

He laughed, "What, are you going to break up with me because I don't know who Jane's Arc is?"

"Joan of Arc. And no, but doesn't it bother you, not being able to have intellectual conversations about people like her? Don't you want to be challenged?"

"I don't want us to challenge each other, Robin. I want us to be able to have stupid conversations and spend time together. I don't want my brain to hurt. I want my heart to hurt from loving you." Nick said sweetly.

"That's so sweet." Robin replied, chuckling awkwardly as she did so.

"Robin, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, anything."

"Are we going to have sex tonight? I need to know if I should DVR the game or not."

* * *

><p>"Well, we all have small gaps like that in our knowledge." Said Lily.<p>

"Yeah, well that's not the only thing. He tried to eat a vanilla scented candle."

"Did you leave it in the kitchen?"

"Yes…. But it was lit."

"Oh, sweetie. You guys could do crafts!"

Robin put her head in her hands and Lily rubbed her arm gently.

"I need another drink." She moaned.

* * *

><p><em>As a newly single man, I was enjoying the bar scene. And Barney, despite being engaged to Quinn, continued to fulfill his wingman duties.<em>

* * *

><p>"I'm kind of surprised to see you here." Ted said questioningly. "I figured you'd be with Quinn planning the wedding."<p>

"Ted, my boy," Barney began, "When you're as awesome as I am, legendary nights out are always a priority. I didn't realize it before because, yes offense, all of you are so lame when it comes to relationships, but I have found in my travels that it is possible to have one and remain just as awesome."

"So, where's Quinn?"

"Out with friends." He placed his drink down on the table. "Unlike couples like Lily and Marshall, we don't have to be together every second of every day just to function. We're beyond that."

Ted let out a small laugh, "You're still in that 'whose the better couple' feud? I thought you would've let that go by now."

"Please," Barney chuckled, "You may be all good with calling a draw, but that ain't me, bro."

"If you say so." Ted said dismissively.

"I do say so." He replied, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get us another round." Barney turned away quickly so that Ted wouldn't see as his eye began to twitch.

* * *

><p>"Hey, you know what?" Marshall commented as they lay in bed that night, a gurgling Marvin between them.<p>

"What?" Lily asked, curious.

"They can win best couple," he announced.

"Huh?" Lily scoffed, stumped by his declaration. They had been so competitive earlier, and she had wanted to win in the worst way, and usually, so did Marshall. So his change of heart made her panic slightly. "Why is that?"

"Because we made this," he said, rubbing Marvin's small, round belly. "Barney and Quinn may be the more energetic ones, the more stylish ones, and the hotter ones, but we, Lily," he paused to look her in the eye, "we have this. We have this little boy, and really, I don't care about anything else anymore."

The thought brought tears to her eyes. He was right. Marvin was pretty damn worth winning for, despite all of her trials and tribulations.

"You know, Marshall, you're right," she agreed. "It doesn't matter," she sighed, gently rubbing her son's arm. "That doesn't mean we can't win though. We may be parents, but we can still totally bring it."

"Damn straight," Marshall agreed, as they high fived over their heads.

* * *

><p>Barney walked into his apartment to find his fiancée, along with four other girls all gathered in the living room. He recognized at least two of them from the Lusty Leopard, back when he was there at least once a week. Ever since Quinn had quit her job, he'd promised to stop going there.<p>

"Hey honey." Quinn greeted him from her spot on the couch.

He smiled half-heartedly. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Um, yeah. Sure." She turned to her friends, "I'll be right back, ladies!"

The couple headed to their bedroom, Barney leading the way.

"What's this about?" Quinn said, folding her arms the moment the door closed behind them.

"I don't know. Maybe the fact that it's after 2am and there's a gang of strippers in our living room." He said bitterly.

"They're my friends."

"Your work friends. From when you were working as a stripper. I thought you were done with that part of your life, Quinn."

"They're still my friends. Why do you care so much who I hang out with? I'm not harassing you about coming home at 2am after drinking all night with Ted."

"That's different."

"Why? Because he's not strippers?"

"Because I want to leave that part of our relationship behind!" Barney admitted, he took a deep breath to steady himself, "I didn't just stop going to the Lusty Leopard because you made me promise not to, I did it because I hate being reminded of the shit you told me there. You really made me think that you liked me, when it was just the same lines you were feeding to any other guy with a few bucks in his wallet."

"You're still upset about that?" Quinn asked, a hint of surprise in her tone.

Barney nodded as if it were obvious.

"I was just doing my job, which I quit for you, by the way." She added. "And I may have been feeding those lines to other guys, but I did like you."

"I get it. I really do, it's just hard to trust you after you played me like that."

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes, "You've played half the women in this city, and you can't trust me? When we met I may have been a stripper, but you were one of my most regular customers."

He laughed sarcastically, "Trust me, 'regular' doesn't begin to cut it after you scammed me into about fifty lap dances a night." Barney softened slightly after a second. "Look, I know I've done some pretty sketchy stuff in the past, but I've left it all in the past. I don't run around lying to get myself laid anymore. And for the record, I've never done anything like that to you."

"Because I'd never let you pull any of that bullshit with me."

"Well, either way, I've been trying my best to be honest with you." Barney said.

"Fine." Quinn, sat down on the edge of their bed. "Then I guess I could ask you anything right now and get an honest answer, yes?"

"Hit me."

After a moment in thought, she asked, "Who was the last person you had a real, actual relationship with?"

"Her name was Nora."

"And how did you break up?"

Before Barney could answer, one of Quinn's friends knocked on the door.

"Hey Quinn, I was just wondering if-" she saw Barney and stopped. "Oh I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, don't worry about it."

Quinn shot Barney a look that said "we'll talk about this later" and he thanked his lucky stars he didn't have to get into the whole boat incident.

* * *

><p>Thanks to Barney's skilled tactics as a wingman, Ted had gone home with a woman who Barney had dubbed as "at least an eight." Despite her obvious advances, and his tipsy state, Ted felt off. Something wasn't right. The idea of lebenslangerschicksalsschatz ran through his mind. He looked at the attractive woman who was kissing his neck, and sighed. He wanted more than this, he wanted more than a one night stand. Ted thought back to the night that Marshall and Lily got engaged, the moment he realized what he truly wanted.<p>

Gently pushing the woman off of him, Ted excused himself. He walked into the bathroom and stared at his reflection. Ted barely recognized the man before him. His tired eyes had seen too many romances fail, his heart still rested on his sleeve, but it was worn. His mouth had whispered "I love yous" to all the wrong women at all the wrong times. Seeing how happily invested all of his closest friends were in their respective relationships made his chest ache. So many times he'd thought he had that, he'd thought he'd met "The One". But now, he was sure he hadn't, and now the fear of being a seventh wheel forever grew stronger. He walked back into his apartment, and escorted the woman out, sending her home in a cab. Ted knew what he wanted, and he knew he needed to wait for the real thing, no matter how hard it got.

* * *

><p>After a few more glasses of wine, Quinn's friends finally left. Barney dried the dishes after Quinn washed them, creating a small assembly line. They did this in silence for a few minutes before she finally spoke up.<p>

"So, how serious were you and Nora?"

Barney stared at the dish in his hands, avoiding Quinn's prying eyes. Her tone was nonchalant, but he could feel the suspicion emanating off her.

"You know, your red head friend got a bit handsy after that final glass of Pinot noir." He said, changing the subject.

"Barney."

"Okay, fine." He turned to look at her, placing the glass in his hand down on the counter. Quinn took off the purple rubber gloves she wore, setting them beside the sink. Barney grabbed her hand and brought her to the couch.

"Nora and I met through Robin, she was her coworker. After our first date, she found out I was lying just to sleep with her and didn't want to speak to me."

"Understandable." She interrupted.

Barney rolled his eyes at her and continued. "A few months later we reconnected, she forgave me and we dated awhile."

"And then...?" Quinn asked expectantly.

Barney took a deep breath, deciding to commit to the truth, "I cheated on her with Robin."

Quinn moved her hand off of his. "You slept with Robin?"

"Yes. But, Quinn that doesn't matter now."

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long ago did this happen?"

"Quinn..."

"How long?" She repeated angrily.

he flinched slightly at her snarl, "Four months before I met you."

Quinn stood up and walked away from him. Barney followed her into the bedroom.

"Quinn, wait." He called after her.

"You slept with your best friend less than a year ago! How am I supposed to be okay with that?"

"I never slept with Ted." Barney joked and Quinn grilled him, causing him to wipe the smile off his face.

"Please, Quinn," He begged, "sleeping with Robin was a stupid drunken mistake. But everyone backslides with their ex once or twice."

"Ex? You and Robin dated?

"I said sex. Everyone backslides in sex."

"I can't believe you."

"You've dated other people too!"

"Yeah but I don't drink with them everyday."

"No, you only rub your ass on their laps. "

Barney instantly regretted the words as they left his mouth. He could see how hurt she was by them.

Quinn grabbed her purse and Barney stood in front of her before she could leave.

"Wait, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"But you did."

"Look I'm a screw up. Okay? I have banged half of the female population in NYC. I cheated on Nora, and I broke the bro code when slept with Robin. But all these things that I've done have lead me to you. I proposed to you because I love you.

"How can I trust that it won't happen again?"

"After everything, Robin rejected me. She chose Kevin over me, you have nothing to worry about."

"You mean I don't have to worry about Robin."

"Exactly." Barney half-smiled, not realizing the corner he'd just backed himself into.

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"Well you said that Robin didn't choose you. She picked someone else. So, what does that make me?"

"What? Quinn, where are you getting this from?"

"Barney, I don't just want to be the rebound."

"You're not – that's insane. Why would you even think that?" He stuttered.

"But if it were up to you, you'd be with Robin."

"Quinn, I love you. I am engaged to you. Robin is just a friend."

She scoffed.

Barney's voice was serious and calm, "You don't trust me?" The question was more of a realization than one that was meant to be answered.

"Its not like you trust me." She said, tears welling up in her soft blue eyes.

"I can't marry someone who doesn't trust me." He told her bitterly.

"I can't marry someone I don't trust."

The silence in the room echoed off the walls, creating an unsettling atmosphere between them.

"So that's it?" Quinn said, and Barney nodded.

"Yeah, that's it."

* * *

><p><em>Kids, there's a certain balance that needs to be struck between trust and a little bit of a challenge, for any relationship to last. Lily and Marshall aside, it took all of us a little while to find that person. But we all did. Barney eventually ended up with someone who he felt safe trusting. Robin ended up with someone who never bored her. And me? I met your mother. And she challenged almost everything I ever thought I knew about love. And even to this day, I am grateful.<em>

* * *

><p>Barney walked tiredly back into MacLaren's the next day.<p>

"Daddy's home." He muttered under his breath before he noticed Robin sitting alone at the usual booth, a half empty glass of scotch in her hand.

He ordered one for himself before taking a seat across the table from her.

"Robin," He greeted her, "I didn't really expect to see you here."

"Yeah, well, I guess I just needed some time out of the apartment." She took a swig of her drink, "Nick's been hanging around there a lot lately, so I told him I was working late tonight."

Barney nodded, understanding, "How's that going, by the way? With Nick."

"Could be better." Robin shrugged, "I mean, he's been really sweet and everything, I just never feel challenged when I'm with him. It's frustrating sometimes."

He almost laughed at the idea of such a non-challenging relationship, since it was something so foreign to him, but instead gave a slight nod. "You okay though?"

"Yeah. I've just been a little stressed lately. Work has been exhausting and getting home to mindless conversations with Nick hasn't exactly been enough to take my mind off it."

"You know, if you're ever bored, I have a 600 inch television at my apartment. Two of them actually." Barney suggested. "And you can call whenever."

"I just assumed you'd be busy planning the wedding."

"Not anymore." He replied solemnly, "Quinn and I just broke up."

"Do you want to talk-" Robin began.

"No."

"Does anyone else know?" She asked quietly.

He smiled, "I thought we always told each other about this kind of stuff first."

"We do." Robin returned his smile, "Don't tell Lily though, she'd kill us both."

Barney looked down, and saw Robin's hand resting on top of his. It was a simple gesture, a purely platonic one, and yet he felt a sudden surge of energy fill him. Bringin with it a sense of reassurement, one that made him believe that things would soon fall into place. The sound of Lily, Marshall and Ted entering the bar caught their attention. Robin moved her hand from his and Barney looked away.

Lily looked at Barney and Robin, puzzled, "How long have you guys been here? I just texted you both wondering if you wanted to join us but didn't hear back."

"It hasn't been too long." Robin answered.

"So, what's new?" Marshall slid down into the booth beside his wife.

Barney and Robin exchanged a thoughtful glance, then he hesitantly broke the news. "Quinn and I broke up."


	5. Episode 5

**As you may have realized, this week's episode was a day late. I apologize for its tardiness, but sometimes life gets in the way. I hope you will enjoy it anyway, if its any consolidation this week's episode is almost twice the length of our regular episodes :) **

**-Lots of love, Kayla**

* * *

><p><em>Kids, after a big break up, it takes a while before you can get back out there. However, for your Uncle Barney, this wasn't the case.<em>

* * *

><p>Barney strolled over to the booth at MacLaren's where Lily and Robin sat. He held out a napkin with some random girl's phone number on it like a prize.<p>

"I have not struck out all week. This is the third time today that an eight has given me her number." He declared proudly.

"God, Barney, aren't you tired of this same routine?" Robin asked, concern and disgust taking over her tone.

Barney looked at her, arching one eyebrow up, "What routine?"

"You know, you pick up a girl, sleep with her and then that's it, its over. I thought you wanted something real." Lily added.

Barney looked over at the girl who's number he held in her hands, "I'm pretty sure that her boobs are real."

Lily smacked his arm, "You know what I mean."

"Lily, this is The Barnstormer we're talking about."

Robin and Lily exchanged a glance, "So you're not even a little upset about the break up?"

"Robin, I'm fine - no, I'm great. Never been better. Never...been..better." Barney tore the napkin up as he spoke, shredding it into little pieces.

Robin looked at him with concern, before she could say anything, he was sauntering over to a busty red head at the bar.

"This is bad." Robin told Lily, and she nodded.

Just then, Ted and Marshall, with baby Marvin in tow, joined them.

"What's bad?" Ted asked, picking at the trail mix on the table.

"The way Barney's been handling his break up with Quinn." Robin replied.

"He seems fine to me."

Ted and Robin looked over at Barney who was laughing almost maniacally as he ripped up a piece of paper with a woman's phone number on it and tossed it into the air.

"Considering what he just went through, I'd say he's handling it pretty well." Ted added.

Robin sighed, "I'm not so sure."

Lily stood up to leave, and Marshall handed Marvin to her, "Your turn."

"Marshall, I can't. I told you I have a meeting with that art consultant in twenty minutes."

"That's today?"

"Yes, that's today."

"Lil, I told you I have to get back to work before four, we have been swamped with paperwork."

"Well then take Marvin with you." She said, handing the baby back to him.

"I can't take a baby into a corporate office."

"And I can't take him into an art gallery."

"Rock, paper, scissors?" Marshall asked.

Ted shook his head at his best friend, "Marshall there is no way that Lily is going to be so irresponsible as to play rock, paper, scissors to decide—"

"Deal!" Lily interrupted.

"I guess I was wrong …" Ted said, a confused look on his face.

"One, two, three, shoot!" They said in unison. Marshall laid his hand out flat, and Lily held hers like scissors.

"Yes!" She cheered. Lily kissed her son on the head, and waved goodbye to her friends before hurrying out of the bar.

Marshall placed Marvin on his lap and sat beside Ted at the booth, "Great, now I'm not going to get any work done."

He looked at Ted and Robin, his eyes pleading.

"Oh, look at the time!" Robin said abruptly, "I've got to go, um… do something."

She stood to leave, trying to avoid any chance of being forced into watching baby Marvin all evening, when Barney stopped her. He approached the table, holding a small dog.

Ted, Marshall, and Robin exchanged a glance.

"Check out my new wingman. He's quite the dog." Barney said with a childish grin.

"Barney, um … who's dog is that?" Robin asked.

He shrugged in response, "Don't know. I went outside for a smoke, and the little fella just came wandering over. It's like he knew we were meant to be bro and dog. The holiest of all unions!"

Marshall shook his head, "Barney, you can't just keep a dog you found on the streets."

"Says who?"

"Well, for one," Ted chimed in, "you don't know what kinds of diseases that dog is carrying."

"Plus, what about the owner, Barney?" Robin added.

"Please," Barney waved his hand at them, "Brover and I – yes, that's his name – are going to be fine. In fact, Ted I think you could learn a thing or two from him about burying your bone. Paw five!" Barney tapped his hand against the dog's paw, and then walked back over to the bar with him.

"Yeah, I've got to head to work." Marshall said as he placed Marvin in his stroller.

"I've gotta go, too. They want me to decide what kind of lightbulbs to put in the lobby of the building."

"Exciting." Robin said sarcastically.

"I know." Ted's reply was enthusiastic, he hadn't picked up on her sarcasm.

"Wait, aren't you guys at all worried about Barney?" She asked.

Marshall and Ted looked at each other and shrugged.

"He's Barney, he'll say legendary, play some laser tag and be fine." Marshall told her.

"Yeah," Ted added, "If he says he's fine, I'm sure he is."

With that, the two left, Robin turned and looked at where Barney stood at the bar. She watched as Brover licked Barney's mouth, and Barney licked him back. A look of disgust crossed her face. Despite her gut feeling that something was wrong, Robin headed for the door, leaving MacLaren's.

* * *

><p>Marshall sat at his desk, while Marvin slept peacefully in his carseat. He sighed in relief. <em>At least I'll actually be able to get some work done.<em>

Marshall turned on his computer, and began typing, when his boss Garrison Cootes walked in chanting and stomping. Marvin instantly began to cry, causing Marshall to sigh in annoyance.

"Eriksen!" Cootes shouted over Marvin's wail, "I want you to try this new chant."

"Mr. Cootes, I was just about to start on the proposal for-"

"Nonsense! We need to chant, to thank the Earth for all its done."

"Sir, I think that –"

"Chant Eriksen! Chant!"

Marshall sighed, followed as he and his boss hopped around his office chanting nonsense. Marvin watched them, and his crying stopped. Seeing the two grown men make absolute asses of themselves made the infant crack a smile. It wasn't long before he was giggling from his babyseat.

"See Eriksen, all of Mother Earth's creatures appreciate a good chant. I think I'm going to make this a morning ritual."

Marshall smiled at him politely.

* * *

><p>Robin stared at the tantalizing dish before her, a blend of the vegetables bathed in a sauce made from scratch, mingling with handmade pasta and various pieces of seafood. White steam floated up from the food, brush against her, calling out to her tastebuds. She dragged her fork through her food, despite its enchanting scent, Robin had no appetite. Her mind was elsewhere, focused on Barney.<p>

Shortly after leaving the bar, Robin's phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out and looked at the screen, _Barney Stinson has posted a new photo_. The Facebook notification read. Curiosity got the best of her, and she tapped on the app. The photo Barney had posted was concerning, to say the least. He'd posted a selfie with Brover, both of them wearing identical suits, their tongues touching. Robin glared at it, visibly repulsed. This was strange, even for Barney. She knew he wasn't okay after the break up, he couldn't be.

"Robin?"

The sound of her name brought her back to the present, she looked up, and Nick was staring at her. Robin looked him guiltily, her cheeks growing pink.

"Sorry, what did you say?" She asked.

"I said, how's the food?"

Robin looked down at her untouched plate, and speared a single vegetable on her fork. She placed it in her mouth and nodded, "Its great."

And it was, but Robin couldn't help but feel bad for her preoccupation. Nick had prepared her an amazing dinner, and she was busy getting worked up over Barney. She knew that today was an important occasion for them, but her distraction had caused her to forget why.

Nick saw through her tone, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just a little out of it."

"Out of what?"

"Nothing." Robin shook her head dismissively, "I'm just a little distracted."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

A wave of awkwardness cascaded over them. Nick stretched his hand out, grabbing hers, and bringing a smile to her lips.

"I don't want you to be upset."

Robin nodded her head in agreement, "I know, I'm sorry. I'm just going to forget everything, tonight is about us."

Nick smiled back at her, and before he could respond, Robin's phone vibrated from her purse.

"It's probably just work, hold on." She told him apologetically.

Barney's name flashed across her phone's screen, she looked back at Nick, who was pouring himself another glass of wine. Robin answered and walked into the other room.

"Barney?"

"Are you busy?" He asked, his voice sounded strange, setting off alarms in Robin's mind.

"What's up?" Concern seeped into her tone.

"It's Brover." Barney was clearly choked up.

"Is everything okay?"

Her heart began to race, she didn't know what to expect, but she knew it wasn't good.

"No."

There was a long pause, neither of them saying anything. Robin waited for an explanation that he never provided.

"Okay, I'll be there in five minutes." She told him.

Robin grabbed her jacket, and slipped on her boots, she was about to walk out the door when she saw Nick from the corner of her eye.

"Heading out?" He asked.

She stopped in her tracks, and avoided making eye contact with him, opting to stare at her own feet, "Yeah, um, it a work thing. I've got to go. I'm sorry, Nick. I'll make it up to you."

"Sure." He replied bitterly.

Robin left without glancing in his direction, she felt bad for leaving him like that, but Barney needed her.

It wasn't until she was in the back of a cab, on her way to Barney's apartment that she remembered why that night was important, it was Nick's birthday.

* * *

><p>When Robin arrived at Barney's apartment, he was standing in the lobby, Brover in his hands, and a grim look on his face. Robin pet the small dog lovingly, and noticed there was nothing visibly wrong with him.<p>

"Barney, what happened?" She looked up from the dog and into Barney's hardened blue eyes. They were frozen over, and sent a chill down her spine, he wasn't okay.

"The owner, they um … they called."

Robin sighed in relief that there was no physical damage done, but the expression on Barney's face made her tense up again. She placed on hand on his arm, and rubbed it comfortingly.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. Whoever that owner is, they're going to be really glad you brought him back. And I'll go with you."

He gazed up at her, and their eyes met for a brief moment. In that split second, Barney could feel the entire weight of the world on his shoulders grow a little lighter.

A cautious half-smile pulled at his lips, "Thanks."

"You went with me when I had to give up my dogs."

Barney thought for a minute, remembering that day almost six years ago.

* * *

><p>He could see the pain in her face, as they drove away. Robin placed sunglasses over her bloodshot eyes, but her flushed cheeks and red rimmed nose gave her away. Barney stopped the car, pulling over to a side road.<p>

"Why'd you stop driving?" She sniveled.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

His tone was softer than usual, it was unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome. The worry she heard in his words was almost comforting.

"I have to." She mumbled.

"Why?"

Robin kept her sunglasses on, she stared at her hands watching as she played with a loose string on her sweater sleeve.

"Because, sometimes you have to do stuff you don't want to."

A tear slipped past her glasses, rolling down her cheek, she wiped at it with the back of her hand.

"Now, are you going to drive or am I going to have to walk back?"

"Please, like you could walk all the way back to the city from here."

"Don't test me, Stinson." Robin warned gently, and he chuckled in response.

"Fine, fine."

Barney put the car back in drive, and continued on the road, Robin turned her body towards the window, watching the scenery disappear behind her.

After several minutes of driving in silence, with just the sound of the rental car's engine purring in the background, Barney spoke up.

"I just don't get it."

Robin faced him, "Don't get what?"

"You're one of the strongest, most independent people I know, why are you letting Ted make you get rid of your dogs? Because of some ridiculous argument?"

"It's more than that, Barney." She said softly, looking away from him.

"Then what is it?" He probed.

"You wouldn't get it." Her tone turned bitter, Barney knew he shouldn't pry, but he couldn't help himself. It seemed so out of character, this wasn't the Robin Scherbatsky he knew.

"Try me."

"_Barney."_ She said, her eyes boring into him, he peered at her for a brief second, taking his eyes off the road. "Just drop it."

He watched her for a minute, "Oh... wow." Suddenly it all made sense to him, Robin giving in to Ted's requests, her giving up her dogs, none of it was about their argument.

"What?"

"You know Scherbatsky, I never pegged you for the commitment type, but this I really didn't expect."

"Barney, what are you talking about?"

"You love him." Barney's eyes remained fixated on the road as he spoke, "You love him, and you're afraid of losing him. That's why you're doing this, that's why you're giving up your dogs."

Robin didn't respond, she stared out the window, silently stewing. There was no denial, which he hadn't anticipated. Barney expected her to fight back, tell him he was wrong and he was being stupid, maybe she'd even hit him. But she didn't, she remained silent, staring at the cars that whizzed past them.

"Don't tell anyone, okay?" She mumbled, her voice straining against the lump in her throat.

"Okay." Barney replied quietly. He turned on the radio, and didn't bring it up ever again.

* * *

><p>After a returning Brover to his owner, Robin offered to buy Barney a couple rounds at MacLaren's to cheer him up.<p>

"Nah."

Robin halted midstride, she placed a hand on his chest, stopping him as well.

"Barney Stinson, is turning down a free Scotch?"

He shrugged, his eyes moved to her hand which resting on the lapel of his suit, he looked back up at her, and the faintest smile graced his lips. She removed her hand, placing it in her pocket, and his smile faded.

Her blue eyes searched his, Robin's tone was serious when she spoke, "What's going on?"

"Nothing." He told her confidently. "I'm fine. Really."

"Really?"

"Robin, I am 100% awesome, I have never been better. I had a rough patch, but I'll get through." He shrugged it off, ignoring the vulnerability that was seeping into his voice. "I always do." He added quietly.

* * *

><p>"Lily, this is ridiculous." Marshall said as he removed the pillows off their bed and climbed under the covers.<p>

Lily walked into the room wearing a pair of sweats and a tank top, her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. "I told you, I am not going to get rid of the 'no eating in bed' rule."

"Okay, yes that's a problem, but no that's not what I'm talking about."

Lily walked into the bathroom, and rinsed out her mouth.

"I'm talking about Marvin." Marshall called from the other room.

She pulled her hair into a loose ponytail and walked back to the bedroom, joining her husband in their bed.

"What do you mean?"

"I just don't think we can keep playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who's going to take him to work. Right now I've got this huge case I'm working on, bringing an infant to the office, its insane."

"I know baby," Lily pouted, "but if I'm going to be serious about a career in art, I need to be at these galleries."

Marshall took his wife's hand in his, "Maybe we should get a nanny."

Lily's eyes widened in horror, "A nanny? I don't know, Marshall, having our son being raised by a stranger is just not something I'm comfortable with."

"He wouldn't be raised by them, just looked after when we're at work."

She considered it for a moment, "We really don't have any other choice, do we?"

Marshall pulled Lily against his chest, and kissed her on the forehead. "Plenty of people have nannies and grow up just fine. Marvin knows who his parents are, and nothing will change that."

* * *

><p><em>So kids, the next morning, Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall met with several nannies for you cousin Marvin. Unfortunately, none of them seemed to fit. <em>

* * *

><p>"We're doomed aren't we." Marshall asked after the sixth candidate left.<p>

Lily sighed, "Maybe I shouldn't be going back to work yet. Maybe its too soon, I'll stay home with Marvin for another year or so until he's ready for daycare, and then—"

Marshall stopped her, "No, Lily, you're not doing that. That's crazy. There has to be another way, you're not giving up on your dream, not again."

"Well its not like we could leave him home alone."

"What if—"

"No Marshall, I don't care how many times you suggest it, we are not going to skype with Marvin when we're not home."

"Think about it, Barney already has this place bugged, so that will save us plenty of money and time. Plus—"

"_Marshall."_ She used his name as a threat, stopping him midsentence.

He sighed, "You're right. Ted offered to watch him for the week."

"Yeah, but what are we going to do once that week is over."

"It's too bad my mom is so far. She'd love to watch Marvin."

"Yeah … too bad." Lily said faking disappointment.

"What about your mom?"

"My mom works full-time too. She wouldn't be able to."

The doorbell rang, interrupting their conversation. They looked at one another, the interviews were over for the day, and neither were expecting a guest.

_"Dad?" _Lily asked, her voice falling somewhere on the line between confusion and concern.

* * *

><p><em>Kids, sometimes the Universe works in mysterious ways. Sometimes it brings you exactly what you need, even when you don't know you need it.<em>

* * *

><p>Robin had tried and failed to shake the overwhelming feeling that something was wrong. That morning, she found herself standing in front of Barney's door, Robin knocked hesitantly.<p>

She waited, and there was no response. Robin unlocked the door using her spare key, and let herself in. The door barely opened halfway, before it got caught on something. She put all of her weight against it, pushing with all her might, and the door wouldn't budge. Giving up, she squeezed through, and was shocked at the site before her.

Gizmos, gadgets, and empty boxes flooded the floor, stacks of magazines and newspapers lined themselves against the walls. Barney's apartment looked like an episode of Hoarders.

"What the—" Robin stopped herself, when she saw what looked like a person lying on the couch.

"Barney?" She asked, tapping his forehead gently.

He let out a groan, and she looked at the empty bottle of cheap whiskey beside him. This was a new low, and Robin was terrified.

She crouched beside him, cradling his face in her hands. "Barney, what the hell happened?"

He waved a drunken hand at her, and rolled over, burying his face in the leather of the couch. He reeked of alcohol, and was wearing the same suit he'd been in the previous day.

There was only way she knew to wake him up, Robin sighed, feeling guilty for what she was about to do. "Sorry, buddy." She said quietly.

Robin grabbed his heavy arm, and put it on her shoulder, and wrapped her arm around his waist, lifting him off the couch. Half-dragging his body like dead weight, Robin managed to get the grumbling Barney into the bathroom.

"No, sleepy … now." Barney slurred, his hand waving her away.

"Its for your own good." Robin said almost apologetically, before lugging his body into the shower and turning the water on the coldest setting.

Barney woke up in an instant, jumping up, his eyes wide in shock.. Robin turned off the showerhead once she was sure he was awake, watching as he coughed up water. His blonde hair was so saturated it look almost brunette in color. Water trickled from his hair, past his chattering teeth and down his chin.

"Wh-who wakes someone up like that?" Barney said through shivers, and Robin ignored it.

"So, are you going to tell me why your apartment looks like a dump?"

"Good morning to you too." He muttered sarcastically while grabbing a towel, and attempting to dry himself off.

"Ever since you and Quinn—"

He walked away, his wet shoes squeaking through the apartment, leaving behind a watery trail.

"Fine, you don't want to talk, then let me at least take you out. We could play laser tag, or head to the cigar bar." She insisted.

"Its ten in the morning."

"Right …" Robin thought for a second, "well then we can go to that diner you love, you know that one with the sprinkles on their pancakes."

Barney wrapped himself in the towel and sat down at his cluttered table. He shook his head, and the pained look on his face made Robin feel so helpless.

"I'm sorry things didn't work out with Quinn." Robin said after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm not." Barney saw the confusion in her face and answered the question she hadn't asked. "Yes, Quinn was a really important to me, she is one of only a couple people that I ever thought I truly loved. But if it wasn't going to work out with her, then maybe its better I know now."

Barney paused, taking a minute to collect his thoughts, and continued. "I feel like I've been rejected at every turn. Nothing seems to work out, Nora, you, Quinn, and I keep searching, searching for what I really want out of life. I thought it was that Marshall/Lily ending, but maybe its not. I don't think I'm cut out for it, I'm never going to be the kind of guy that's worth the trouble."

Robin watched him as he spoke, his honesty was overwhelming, she didn't know what to say.

"Barney," she said his name softly, and placed her hand over his. She knew that his recent break ups hadn't been easy for him, but like their friends she believed his façade. Robin knew that Barney hadn't been okay, but he rallied so well, he always put on a brave face, and it was easier to believe the lies than confront him with the truth. She could see now how broken he was, this engagement with Quinn took everything he had left, and when it fell through, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Its okay, really. Robin, you don't have to say anything."

She looked around the room, at the various contraptions Barney had acquired over the two weeks since the break up with Quinn. Some were completely useless, like a pen that wrote in white ink, others seemed to be really awesome, like bubblegum gun that sat on the table in the space between them.

"Why do you have all this stuff?" She asked, shattering the quietness in the room. Robin lifted a mini waffle iron that fit in the palm of her hand, showing it to him. He corner of his mouth twitched, almost forming a smile.

"Skymall. Sometimes when I'm upset I buy a bunch of stuff from Skymall."

Robin let out a small breathy laugh in shock. "Wow."

"I know. I'm going to have to return all this stuff." He sighed, "Its going to take forever."

Looking around the cluttered apartment, Robin saw that their had to be upwards of $5,000 worth of stuff. There was no way he'd be able to return it all, it would take weeks.

"I could help." She offered.

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to. Come on Barney, you will be returning items for a month if you don't get some help."

He looked around, for the first time he actually took in the sight of his apartment, and was appalled. "Yeah, this is a lot of stuff isn't it?"

Robin nodded, and picked up the bubblegum gun, shooting a pink gumball at him. Barney opened his mouth, and caught the gumball, they shouted out celebratory Woos.

After changing into dry clothes, and taking a handful of asprin to cure his hangover, Barney and Robin got to work. They spent the half the day playing with the ridiculous stuff he'd gotten while repackaging it to be sent back.

* * *

><p>Ted raced to Marshall and Lily's apartment, with Marvin strapped to the baby carrier on his chest. When he arrived, the apartment was empty, "Crap." He whispered under his breath. The baby cooed, and Ted stroked his head gently.<p>

"Shh, don't tell mommy that I said that. She'd probably punch me. Don't be fooled by her smallness, your mommy can punch really hard."

Marvin babbled, blowing spit bubbles. And Ted sighed, he was about to leave when he heard the toilet flush.

"Marshall? Lily?" He called out. There was no response. Ted picked up the aluminum bat they hide by the door for protection, and tip-toed to the bathroom door. He lifted the bat over his head, and was ready to strike the intruder. The bathroom door opened, and Mickey came out, jumping at the sight of Ted.

"Mickey?" Ted asked, still holding the bat defensively.

"Ted, what the hell are you doing?"

"What are you doing here?" Ted countered.

"Didn't Marshall and Lily tell you? I'm crashing here until insurance fixes the house in Long Island."

"Insurance … what the, what happened?"

"Well, if you put the bat down, maybe I'll explain it to you."

Ted dropped the weapon, and apologized, "I thought you were a robber."

"Me a thief? Nah. A cheat? Sometimes. A mooch? Yep. But I'm not a thief."

Ted nodded, "Yeah, good to know." Remembering the real reason he had come by, he looked around the apartment once more. "Marshall and Lily are still at work?"

"For a couple more hours. Why?"

He glanced at Marvin who was wiggling happily in the baby carrier, "Its just that I promised that I would watch Marvin for the week, but the supervisor down at the GNB tower is saying there is a lightbulb crisis."

"Sounds serious." Mickey replied sarcastically.

"Oh it is," Ted said, stress was emanating off him, "anyway, I can't really bring a baby to a construction site, and well—"

Mickey held up his hand, and lifted Marvin out of the carrier, "Say no more, I will take the little guy off your hands."

"Really?" he knew it wasn't the best choice, but he was desperate. "Would Lily be okay with that? I mean have you watched him before?"

"Ted, I raised Lily, and look at how she turned out."

Ted nodded, "You're right. I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Lily won't mind."

* * *

><p>"Yooouu son of a bitch!" Lily's voice came through the other end of Ted's phone, competing with the noise of construction behind him.<p>

"How could you leave my son with my father? My dad is the most irresponsible man I know, he's never been there for me. You would've been better off leaving Marvin with Barney!" She shouted.

Ted cringed away from the phone, "So, I'm guessing you mind?"

"Mind? _Mind?!"_

"Lily, I had to!" He raised his voice as the sound of a jackhammer increased in volume in the background. "I had no other choice, I'm sorry."

Lily sighed, she knew Ted was right. They needed the find a nanny for Marvin, and they needed one quick, or she'd have to sacrifice her art dreams. Before she could say anything else, a prospective art dealer entered the gallery she was in, it was time for her to schmooze them into hiring her.

"Look Ted, I've got to go, we'll talk about this later."

* * *

><p>"Really, Barney?" Robin pointed at the Stormtrooper standing in his room.<p>

"What?"

"Why did you buy another Stormtrooper?"

He shrugged, "My first one was lonely."

Robin laughed incredulously, "Two Stormtroopers are a bit much, don't you think?"

"Pshh … yeah, two is ridiculous. But _five_, five is okay, right?"

"Oh my god, Barney. You have five life-sized Stormtroopers? Where are the other three? Why?"

"Umm… I just broke up with my fiancée?" He said with a smile, hoping it would serve as an excuse. Robin shook her head, grinning at him.

* * *

><p>When Lily arrived at the apartment, she expected to see smoke, or smell a gas leak, or virtually anything disastrous. She opened the door hesitantly, but to her surprise there was no flood, no blood, no carnage of any kind. In fact, the place was spotless. The scent of freshly mopped floors and food cooking in the over filled her home.<p>

"Dad?" She said, peering her head into the kitchen. The oven was on, and inside a casserole was baking slowly.

Marshall and Mickey walked cautiously from the Marvin's bedroom.

She walked over to them, standing outside of the room. "Marshall, thank god you're here. What is all this?"

"Shh." He, walked Lily over to the couch and sat her down. "Your dad did all of this."

"What? Really?"

Lily looked up at Mickey who shrugged, "Yeah well after your friend Ted bailed, I took the little guy for a walk in the park, then we had lunch, and play time. Marshall came by, I guess you freaked him out or something. I had just finished cleaning the living room, and was preparing dinner when he arrived shouting. So naturally Marvin woke up form his nap. I just got him to go back to sleep, so keep your voice down."

Lily was speechless, she turned to Marshall, who smiled at her.

"He did a great job."

"I can't believe you did all that. That you knew how to do all of that."

"Of course, Lily, before you went to school, when your mom went back to work, I was a stay at home dad. And believe it or not, I loved it. Sure I dropped the ball after you went to school, but only because I was upset that my baby girl was growing up."

She smiled at him, tears glistening in the corner of her large green eyes. Lily wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. "You're hired."

* * *

><p>The next day when Robin woke up, the blanket against her body felt familiar, but she knew it wasn't hers. She looked down and gasped, the steel gray sheets and burgundy striped blanket were those that she knew all too well.<p>

"No." She whispered, wrecking her brain for what had happened the previous night.

* * *

><p>After an intense remote controlled helicopter race that Barney claimed to have let her win, Robin caught sight of the time.<p>

"Crap."

"What is it?" Barney asked as he taped shut the box for the helicopters they were playing with.

"Nothing, I just didn't realize how late it was."

He checked his own watch, it was a quarter to nine. "Its cool if you have to leave, you've helped more than enough."

"No, its fine. We're almost done, I might as well finish."

"You sure?" He hesitated, Barney didn't want Robin to leave, but he also didn't want her to feel obligated to stay. "If you have something to do, I can finish this on my own."

But Robin insisted, she couldn't leave him alone. Nick would understand, she hoped.

"Well, if you're going to stay, we should at least take a break."

He walked over to the kitchen counter, and she followed him, taking a seat at the barstool. Barney poured two glasses of amber colored Scotch. He handed Robin one, and held up the other. "Thanks for being a real bro."

Robin smiled and tapped her glass to his, before taking a long sip.

"Happy to help."

* * *

><p>The night came back to her, they'd stayed up drinking Scotch, smoking and watching Alien vs. Predator in his room. Robin looked down, and was thankful that she was still fully clothed. She had successfully spent the night without sleeping with him. This was something for the record books.<p>

Running a hand through her hair, Robin strolled into the kitchen, the apartment was looking normal again, and a sense of pride filled her. Barney stood in the kitchen, he looked like a new person compared to how she had found him the previous day. He handed her a mug of coffee, and smiled.

"You're in a good mood." She observed.

"The Fortress of Barnitude has been restored it its former glory!"

Robin chuckled, and took a sip of coffee.

He held his mug up towards her, "I couldn't have done it without you." He smirked, but it wasn't his usual 'I'm up to no good smirk', it was a grateful one.

"I'm just glad you're feeling a little better."

Robin finished her coffee, and was getting ready to leave, when she felt Barney's eyes on her.

"What?" she asked with a smile.

He smiled back, "Nothing, just … nothing."

Robin raised an eyebrow out him, "Spill it, Stinson."

He reached into his pocket, and removed a small silver key from his the rest. Placing the small cool piece of metal in her hand, he closed her fist around it.

* * *

><p>"622 West 14th Street." Robin repeated the address he'd given her. She looked up at the building before her, it was a storage unit. Her skeptical side feared this was an elaborate prank, but the way Barney has looked at her when he handed her the key made her believe that this was serious.<p>

She showed the key to the man at the front desk, asking which locker it belonged to. Robin followed his directions and walked through the long, empty halls, searching for the number she was told. The key fit perfectly in the lock, Robin's hand shook as she unlocked it, she didn't know why her nerves were getting the best of her. The heavy metal door seemed to move upward in slow motion, revealing a large locker. With the exception of a single cardboard box in the middle of the room, the locker was completely empty.

* * *

><p>Barney left the post office, after mailing back all of the things he had bought from Skymall, he felt a bit lighter. While removing a box of cigarettes from his pocket, he dropped his keys on the sidewalk. He picked them up, and remembered that one was missing. He wondered if Robin had gone to the locker yet, if she had seen what was inside.<p>

The look of confusion on her face had made him smile, she stared at him, waiting for more details, but he didn't offer any. Barney hoped her curiosity was enough to lead her to the address, to see the secret he'd been keeping for the past three years.

* * *

><p>Robin opened the cardboard box, and gasped. Inside were picture fames filled with photos from when she and Barney were together. She continued to look through the box, and found other things, things she didn't even know he hand. The menu from the restaurant they went to on their first date, the letter she had written him one drunken night, the ticket stubs form every movie they went to together and never actually watched. The trophy from the laser tag tournament they had won, the birthday gift she'd gotten him - a set of Dolce and Gabbana ties, and even the VHS tape of Sandcastles in the Sand.<p>

Tears filled her eyes, threatening to spill over. Robin didn't know why he kept these things, but they evoked something in her that she couldn't quite explain. She knew that whoever she was with, she wouldn't feel the way she did right then and there. Sadness mixed with awe, and salty tears ran down her cheeks. She picked up a photo of them and held it to her chest. She closed her eyes, remembering the relationship that she knew had ended too soon.

* * *

><p><em>I've told you this before, but I'll say it again, because its an important lesson to take away from this story. Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things. If Barney had gone through with marrying Quinn, I would've never been at the wedding that lead let me meet your mother. Its funny how life works in these mysterious ways, pointing us to the right path even when we don't realize it. If you love someone and its meant to be, it will be, you just need to give it time.<em>

* * *

><p>Barney shook his head, and placed the keys back into his pocket. He pulled out his lighter, and held a cigarette between his teeth.<p>

"Come on." He said through his teeth as his lighter refused to work. He shook it, and tried again, still nothing. Not even a spark. "Crap."

Barney walked into the nearest drugstore, it was already getting late, all he wanted was to buy a new lighter and head back home. Strolling through the aisles, a small brunette caught his attention. He felt the smirk on his face grow, amongst other things.

"Target acquired." He said louder than necessary.

Barney sauntered over, debating which line he'd use on her. He tapped her shoulder gently, and the woman turned around.

"Haaave you me met?" He asked, a devilish smirk on his lips, and a glint in his eyes.

* * *

><p><em>And that kids, is how Barney met your mother.<em>


	6. Chapter 6

"Haaave you met me?" Barney smirked.

"Well," the brunette laughed a little, mostly in pity, "I have now. Look, I really appreciate your interest in me, but I can tell that you're unhappy, and you have things you need to sort out. Sleeping with me isn't going to fix any of that."

He scoffed, taken aback, "Hold on a sec? Why would you think I'm unhappy."

"I think that you're in love, and you wish that you weren't, and every moment of your life since you fell for this girl has been spent trying to stay busy enough to ignore that fact." She answered bluntly.

Barney looked for some sort of defense. Instead, he just nodded, speaking softly, "You're right."

"Well, I don't know you, or this girl, but from what I can tell you really care about her."

He answered honestly, "I really do."

"Then go get her." The brunette said encouragingly.

"I don't know," He laughed, "I'm kind of at my peak right now. I don't know if I can just walk away from the game."

"Do you want to keep playing? Or do you want to win?" She asked.

After a moment in thought, he said, "I want to win."

...

Robin sat alone at the gang's usual booth nursing a scotch. Lily entered the bar and rushed over to sit on the opposite side of Robin.

"What's up?" Lily asked, out of breath. Robin had texted her, "Bar. Now." which meant something was up.

"You know what, nevermind that, it's stupid. I shouldn't have texted you." She lied.

"Where's the poop, Robin?"

"Fine," Robin sighed, "it's Nick."

"Just Nick?"

She avoided Lily's question. "I think I want to end it."

"Robin, a crappy sex life isn't a good reason to break up with someone."

"It's not just the sex, Lily, it's everything. I can't have a conversation with the man without wanting to enroll him back in school. He's sweet and he cares for me but I don't know if that's really enough." Robin said.

"Have you talked to him about any of this?" Lily asked.

"He's not the brightest."

"That wasn't my question." She said, "You should be telling him all of this, not me. I mean, yes, I'm your best friend and you can always talk to me, but right now you need to talk to him."

Robin sighed, knowing that she was right. "I know I do. It's just, I don't know if I want to end it all right now. You know?"

Lily's eyes widened a little with concern, "Why not?"

"I don't want to come home to an empty apartment. I like coming home to Nick and a home-cooked meal and being able to wake up with someone beside me." Robin admitted.

"Awh, sweetie. You'll find someone who you'll love coming home to even more, and when you do you'll know it."

"What if I don't?" She asked immediately, before sitting back into her chair and taking a sip from the nearly empty glass in front her. "I can't believe me, of all people, is scared of being alone."

"Staying with someone just for the sake of having someone is more lonely than being alone."

So, Robin decided to take Lily's advice and end the relationship. Here's a piece of advice: When you're planning to break up with someone, take them out for dessert. Sitting through a long dinner with someone you're about to break up with is just, well, awkward.

Robin stared down at her menu, trying to avoid Nick's occasional glances. He could tell something was off but didn't want to pry. He knew that she hated when people pried.

"I think I know what I'm getting." He spoke.

"Me too." She replied, refusing to look away from the menu.

"I'm glad we're doing this."

"Me too." She repeated herself.

"Robin?"

"What?" Robin placed her menu on the table.

"Is everything okay?" He asked sweetly.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"You won't look at me."

"Oh," she said, "I just, I've got a lot on my mind is all."

"Are you sure?" Nick asked, concerned.

"Yes."

"I'm glad we're doing this."

She tried to hide her annoyance, "You said that already."

"I know, but I mean it. It's nice going somewhere other than the apartment, or MacLaren's, don't you think?"

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter seemed to appear before Robin could answer, which she was grateful for.

While your Aunt Robin was on what was to be her last date with Nick, the rest of us were kind of scattered, since Lily and Marshall were still taking turns watching Marvin.

Lily tiredly slid into the booth across from Barney, drink in hand. "I can't believe I'm saying this," she sighed, "but please tell me you got some last night."

"Glad you asked!" He began.

Lily shook her head, "I think I may already be regretting this decision."

"So, last night I went out to the drug store to get a new lighter, and I started talking to this girl- -"

"And you nailed her. Big surprise." She finished for him.

"Yeah. Totally. That's exactly what happened. Another score for the barnacle! You want another round?" He agreed with panicked excitement, changing his mind and electing not to tell her what had really happened.

"I just got here." She looked at him skeptically, "I'm not even finished my first – hold on."

Across the table, a nervous Barney was looking in every direction but Lily's. She leaned in."Where's the poop?"

"Um, I just told you exactly what happened." He took a sip of his scotch, still avoiding her gaze.

"Barney, you're clearly lying to me." She laughed.

"No, I'm not. You're lying." He responded childishly.

Lily ignored his comment, "I guess it's official that none of us are getting laid then."

"I'm Barney Stinson." He pointed two fingers in his own direction, "I'm always getting laid. Besides, what do you mean, 'none of us are getting laid'? I mean, sure, Ted has been in a dry spell since birth, but you've seen the guy Robin's with, right? And you are with Marshall. Isn't the whole point of being married that you can have sex whenever you want?"

Lily smirked, thrilled at having a chance to finally spill a secret, "Robin and Nick barely ever have sex because he isn't actually that good at it."

"I knew she was kind of lacking her post-sex glow." He tried to hide his smile, "and what about you?"

"We just had a baby, and after you have a baby you have to wait a while. And even since, we've been busy, so I haven't had sex for a few months."

Barney nearly spit out his drink, "Months?!"

….

"We haven't had a second alone together since Marvin was born." Marshall explained to Ted, relieved that they had finally gotten the baby to fall asleep.

"Didn't you say Mickey had been helping out?"

"He has been, but only while we're at work. I thought about asking him to watch Marvin for an evening as well, but it just seems like a lot."

"Then leave him with me." Ted offered, "I'm great at taking care of kids, I used to babysit all the time as a teenager. And I already watched the little guy that one time, remember?"

"Ted," Marshall pointed out, "You held on to him for two minutes while Lily ran back into the apartment to grab her purse."

"What are you so worried about?"

"Lily and I have just been a little apprehensive about leaving Marvin with anyone. Even with Mickey, we usually end up calling at least hourly to check in. Plus," He added, "They've just been at the apartment. I have no idea how we'd cope with you taking him anywhere else."

"Marshall," Ted reassured him, "I can manage. Trust me. I'll give you and Lily a whole evening alone together, I can even make a reservation for you guys at that new Italian restaurant on 50th. And I'll update you as often as you want. I got this."

Kids, there's another reason you should only ever break up with someone over dessert: It gives you a lot less time to rethink things. It's all too easy to settle in relationships, to be with someone a little too long because it feels simpler than finding a way out.

Halfway into their meal, Robin's phone rang. She didn't look at the name as she declined it.

"Who was it?" Nick asked, his mouth full of pasta.

She smiled, wanting to offer him her full attention. "Doesn't matter."

"You got another guy?" Nick laughed, and Robin did too.

Her phone rang again. This time she saw it was Barney but still declined the call.

"Robin, you can answer the phone. I don't mind."

"No, I'm here with you." She could see his eyes light up as she said it. She could tell that he really loved her and it saddened her that this was, most likely, going to be their last meal together. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what would happen if she stayed with Nick. The more she thought about it, the more she felt she could live with it. She'd never be over-the-moon happy but she'd be content. She'd have someone who loved her and would listen and care for her.

Her phone rang once again, bringing her back to reality and away from her thoughts. This time she answered the call and excused herself to the restroom.

"What do you want? Barney, I'm trying to have a date." She said, trying not to sound annoyed.

"Have you done it yet?"

"Did you seriously call me to ask me about my sex life? Yes, we've done it -"

"No, not that, have you broken up with Nick yet?" He asked simply.

She sighed, "Lily told you, didn't she?"

"Yes."

"Dammit Lily! No, I haven't." Robin took a deep breath, "and I don't think I'm going to."

"What, why?" Barney asked, failing to hide his disappointment.

"Why do you care?" She said defensively.

"Because you're unhappy, Robin."

"No, I'm not." Robin stuttered.

"Yes, you are. Admit it, the night we spent together was the happiest you've been in a long time. And now you've realized that you'll never be quite that happy with Nick. You were ready to break up with him and now- -"

"I have to go." Robin tried to hold back tears as she cut him off. She returned to the table and placed her phone beside her plate, not realizing she had neglected to end the call.

"Who was it?"

"Oh, uh, Lily," Robin lied, "she thought we had plans tonight but it's tomorrow."

"Sounds like fun." Nick smiled.

"Yeah." Robin laughed awkwardly. She felt almost guilty that he hadn't remotely picked up on her lie, and knew that this wasn't something she could do the rest of her life.

Meanwhile, for the first of many times, your aunt Lily and uncle Marshall trusted me with baby Marvin. And I was ecstatic. You see kids, parenting comes very naturally to some people. And I was always one of those people. Even before I met your mother.

"Barney, for the last time, I'm babysitting Marvin tonight. I can't go skinny skydiving with you. In fact, that last part is pretty much a constant thing." Ted spoke into his cell phone. There was a knock on the door, prompting him to go answer it, "And I swear if that's you at the door- -"

He swung it open, and sure enough, there stood Barney. "Okay, so let me get this straight," He begun, ignoring the look of annoyance on Ted's face, "You're choosing to babysit instead of coming to hang out with me?"

"I promised Lily and Marshall."

"Ah," Barney entered the apartment, walking straight into the living room, "but I think it's more than that. You, for some reason that I will never understand, can't stand being childless, and just want an opportunity to fake being a parent for one night."

"Well, maybe I'm just tired of how far ahead of me they are." He admitted, "We went to college together, and now they are married and they have a kid and what do I have?"

"An awesome single lifestyle that you're wasting away babysitting." He said, "I mean, come on, you and I are the only single people left in this group." Barney begged.

"Exactly. We are the only single people left in this group. Everyone is moving forward with their lives, and we're just single. You were just engaged. I figured maybe you'd feel the same way but I guess not."

"You know what, Ted? You're right. I do want to move forward with my life. And, no, before you silently congratulate yourself the moment I leave, it has nothing to do with being engaged or not being engaged. I've got to go." He smiled before he rushed out of the apartment.

Your Uncle Barney deserves a lot more credit than we often gave him. That night, he set me straight. It didn't mean I would stop looking after my friend's kids. I loved each and every one of them. No, it just meant that I finally began to learn to stop obsessing over every opportunity to pretend I was somewhere other than I was in life. It would still take me some time for his message to sink in, but he was right. I needed to stop trying to skip ahead to the end of the story, and move forward for real.

And at the same time, unknowingly, I set him straight too. Because only minutes later, while Robin and Nick were halfway through their dessert...

Someone burst through the door. Robin turned to see that it was Barney.

"What are you doing here?" Robin asked in shock.

"I'm sorry Nick, but you and Robin are done." Barney said, ignoring her.

Nick seemed confused and hurt. "What? Robin, what is this?"

"Barney, look, I-I know what you're doing, okay? Please stop." Robin began to get aggravated.

"Robin doesn't want to hurt your feelings because you're a nice guy, but she doesn't see this relationship going anywhere. And even though you two aren't remotely compatible she's willing to put up with you until the end of time which isn't fair to either one of you." Barney said, before turning towards Robin, smiling, and saying "You're welcome."

"Stop." She said through gritted teeth.

"I love her, Nick." Barney said softly, as though he didn't want them to hear.

"He doesn't love me." Robin looked at Nick as she said this.

"I love everything about her, and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing." Barney looked lovingly at Robin as he spoke, "I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows."

"You know what, I should go. I'll come get my stuff tomorrow." Nick threw some cash on the table for the dinner and exited angrily.

Robin didn't say a word to stop him. She only looked at Barney, quietly hoping that what he had said was more than an act.

…

"Marshall, are you sure about this?" Lily asked, a swaddled Marvin in her arms.

He put his hand on her shoulder, "Of course. I mean, he's our best friend and one of Marvin's godparents. We have nothing to worry about."

"Yeah," She said hesitantly, "You're right. I'm just being paranoid."

"Come on, we should get going if we're going to make our reservation."

"Do you have all of his stuff?" She asked, while getting Marvin into his stroller. "Bottle? Formula? Extra clothes? Toys? Recording of us singing his night night song?"

"Lily, everything is going to be fine. Let's just relax, okay? Tonight is about us." Marshall tried to comfort her.

Lily and Marshall went out on their date night, and as promised, I looked after Marvin.

Ted was holding Marvin, asleep in his arms, when he called for the fourth time that evening to update the couple.

"Hi, how are things going?" Lily asked. It was several hours into the evening, but she finally had come to feel, and sound, relaxed.

"Amazing." He whispered, not wanting to wake up the baby.

She smiled, "Ted, I can't tell you how grateful we both are that you're helping us like this."

"Honestly, anytime."

"Thank you, buddy." Marshall leaned over and spoke into the phone. "We owe you one."

"It's no problem, now, seriously, you two get back to your date. Marvin is asleep, everything is good, so just enjoy yourselves." He smiled as he hung up the phone.

Although I had long forgotten about Marshall's casual-sounding promise to me that night, that they owed me one, he and Lily truly took it to heart. Years later...

"Are you sure you have everything you need?" Ted asked for what felt like the fiftieth time.

"Ted, we're parents too, remember? We know what we're doing." Lily assured him. "You two just relax and have a nice night out. You deserve it."

Marshall agreed with a nod, "Yeah, seriously, don't worry about us. We'll take good care of this little guy." He gently took the baby from his friend's arms.

Ted and his wife both kissed their child sweetly on the head before finally saying goodbye.

"We can do this. It's only one night away." She turned to him, as soon as the door was closed behind them. "As long as they update us hourly." She added in after a moment.

….

Robin stormed out of the restaurant, Barney chasing after her.

"Why did you do that?" She whipped around and yelled at him.

Barney only smirked. "Don't lie, Scherbatsky you're glad I did."

"I am not." Robin scoffed.

"Yes, you are. You would have been in that relationship for god knows how long if I hadn't come in there and saved your ass."

She smiled and the two began walking towards MacLaren's.

"I'll give you this, you were pretty convincing."

"Hey, tricking good-looking idiots is kind of my thing." Barney replied casually.

"No." Robin stepped in front of him, placing her hand softly on his chest, "I mean, you were really convincing."

"Please. I was bro-ing you out. I'm just glad he bought it so quick. Any longer, I'd have had to kiss you." Barney teased.

They leaned in towards each other, Robin's hand now wrapped around his tie, pulling him closer. Moments before their lips might've touched, her phone rang. She looked down at the caller.

"Dammit Patrice!" She yelled.


End file.
